October 7, 2009
ELIZABETH ROSE
“To be good is noble, but to teach others how to be good is nobler – and less trouble” – Mark Twain
Well readers, my latest foray into the dating scene here in Toronto has been with a young Canadian teacher. I met him online, as I thought it was high time Elizabeth Rose found additional hunting grounds (I fear that I may have overindulged in the ex pat community and that at some point all my conquests may meet).
He is a nice enough chap – good looking, tattooed, hot body (he’s an athlete), a good conversationalist and also a published author. My damningly faint praise for him is due to that which I have yet to know. Teacher and I have had 6 dates and still no contact or sight of his cock. We have even spent the night together a time or two, and yet still no squelchy noises. Barely even a grope. I am quite perplexed, and as I am not getting it elsewhere in the meantime, I still have frizzy hair!
I have reached out to my marvelous support network back in England for some advice. Their response was to run a pool on why teacher won’t shag me. Odds stand at:
- It’s a mother issue – 10/1
- He has a tiny penis – 3/2
- It’s an outbreak of herpes – 20/1
- He’s just a nice guy – 100/1
- He’s really gay – 2/1
Please contact me if you would like to place your bet. Half of all proceeds go to the charitable foundation of Prada. (I want their new heeled boots)
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Why is “He’s just a nice guy” 100/1??? And what the hell WAS he doing on the nights you spent together and not making squishy sounds, playing tooth fairy?
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