October 26, 2009

SKYE BLUE

I was inspired to write this piece after being drawn into one of the most inane discussions I’ve had in a long while. I won’t get into all the details of the conversation, but I will tell you this:A male acquaintance recently took it upon himself to tell me that “most of the women I’ve been with said I was the best they’ve ever had.”

Now I don’t know about you, but when he said that a few questions quickly came to mind:

1. Does he only bed virgins?
2. Is it his habit to ask every woman he sleeps with how he ranks? (I mean, how else would it come up?)
3. Does he really believe what he’s telling me, that most of his past girlfriends believe that ‘he’s the best they’ve ever had’?
4. Why the fuck is he telling me this?
5. Is this level of insecurity catching?

After his bold declaration I ended our conversation hurriedly and got the hell out of dodge. But hours later his words were still weighing heavy on my mind. And all my unanswered questions begged another – Do most people believe the things their partners say in bed?

Now, before anyone gets heated, for the record I’d like to say that I’m not implying that we all become liars when we have sex. However, I do believe that more than a few of us are prone to bending the truth (I know, I know, just a little), either to get what we want or to spare our partner’s feelings, directly before, after or during sex.

So, I did a little research to find out if my hunch was right. I asked my friends and even a few strangers about what (if any) truth bending they’ve done in their bedrooms, and then used their answers to compile a list of the top 10 tall tales told in a bedroom:

1. I’ve only slept with three men before you. (Generally any number below seven works, but our own Elizabeth Rose seems to get by with 14 – an anomaly I assure you.)
2. I never think/fantasize about anyone but you when we’re in bed.
3. Of course I’ve never faked an orgasm with you.
4. My ex was way smaller than you. Really.
5. I wouldn’t change a thing about your body.
6. It’s okay. I don’t usually come vaginally anyway.
7. Just let me put it in a little bit, just the tip baby, just the tip.
8. I love you. (Like a dagger in the heart girls, huh?)
9. It’s okay that you can’t get it up/came so quickly. I was tired anyway.
10. You’re the best I’ve ever had (my personal favourite).

Until next time, don’t believe the hype!

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