October 31, 2009

SKYE BLUE and ELIZABETH ROSE

This one is for the all the size queens out there; the women who are committed to avoiding men with below average ‘endowments’. Before we begin we’d like to clarify one thing. By our (that would be yours truly and Elizabeth Rose) standards any man working with less than 3.5” when he is erect, is the owner of a very small dick. In essence, if your dick could easily be mistaken for a small child’s digit when standing at attention, we mean you.

And now without further ado, we give you the Top 10 Ways to Tell He Has a (Very) Small Dick.

1. After two or three romps in a horizontal position he still won’t let you get near his nether regions.
2. He avoids using public restrooms when he can, and when forced to use one he will take great pains to use a stall or the single serve handicap bathroom.
3. He owns the biggest, most expensive and flashiest toys (i.e. cars, stereo equipment, motorcycles, etc.) that he can afford.
4. All the footwear he owns is immaculate and made by a noteworthy designer – this may be because he has an easier time noticing when they get dirty due to an unhindered line of sight.
5. He will vociferously defend the boys with ‘wee ones’ in conversations about penises.
6. His movements will appear to be ‘small’, as if he is afraid to be seen or exposed.
7. His gait is biomechanically correct and you will never get the sense that he is more ‘heavily loaded’ on one side.
8. The pockets of his pants will always be full, and in extreme cases he will carry his wallet (usually of the larger sort) in one of the front pockets.
9. When he details his relationship history you will notice that it consists of a series of three to seven month relationships (which he considers to be long term), punctuated by one to two year runs of celibacy.
10. Girls talk. Someone you know, directly or otherwise, who dated or knows someone who dated the man in question, will be able to give you the complete low down on his junk – trust us.

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