November 5, 2009

ELIZABETH ROSE

The real problem is in the hearts and minds of men. It is not a problem of physics but of ethics. It is easier to denature plutonium than to denature the evil from the spirit of man – Albert Einstein

The things men will ask you!

A chap who is a member of my current rotation is the international biz type. He isn’t often in T.O., but when he is takes me out lovely places and likes to play alpha male. He lived in Germany for eight years, used to play rugby, is very smart, and good to talk to about stuff in a more intellectual way. I like him as he treats me like an equal during our discussions, yet holds doors open and can breathe through his ears. What’s not to like?

I gave him a call the other day to discuss some of the politics at work, as I wanted his advice (which he eagerly provides free of charge). We were chatting and catching up, as we hadn’t seen or spoken to one another in a number of weeks, when he goes quiet and says there is something I should know. Apparently he and his ex are thinking they may get back together.

He explains that she will be moving to Toronto from Germany, and that they will get married soon after she arrives. I am happy for him (we weren’t serious, as you may have guessed from my other exploits) and say so. However, he then asks if we can spend one more night together. I say no and explain that it would feel icky and morally wrong, even if he and his ex aren’t actually back together at the moment.

Then I tell him that I appreciate his honesty rather than keeping me in the dark so he could continue to bed me. Never a chap to give up easily he responds (and I quote)

“Taking that into consideration, could I possibly just get one more BJ from you and film it to keep for the future?”

Now while I accept my actions and attitudes are a bit more “out there” than your average lass, this is beyond the pale even for me. I decline more forcibly, he tries one more time…

“I don’t mind if you want to cover your face.”

Ladies, who said romance is dead?

I rather lost my temper at that point and doubt we will continue as friends, so no – I will not be appearing in the Nude Adventures of Zorro anytime soon.

In other news, Andrew has been kind enough to provide another neighbourly “cup of sugar”. Though I do wonder if he missed me last night… I returned late from an evening out with Skye and The F’in Man, and settled down into the luxury of freshly changed sheets. (Wednesday my housekeeper comes and erases all traces of my misdemeanours.) His bedroom is directly above mine, and through the wonders of thin ceilings I can hear him moving around upstairs.

I find this rather saucy, so I am just looking to see if I have any more batteries, when I hear music start in his bedroom. Not very good music, at that, then I hear a woman’s voice, possibly two women’s voices!

I stop – startled, I wonder why I wasn’t included on this invite, and how exactly would he have that kind of energy left?

I hear his (now rather rickety) headboard hitting against the wall. I am at this point a little deflated, Readers – I sit, trying to understand if it is jealousy, confusion or disappointment I feel at this moment.

And then…. The headboard stops, and silence…

There are no more voices. There is no more music and just the sound of one man moving around. Only a few minutes have passed and I took a moment’s reflection on what on earth would be happening to present such an odd eavesdropping opportunity. Fortunately, I am smarter than your average bear (and less prone to hysteria than your average woman) suddenly it all made sense! Just one man moving around, but two women’s voices, bad music and a very short time frame of activity… I had just overheard an episode of self love with porn providing the background track!

While I do believe that all my lovers should have as much “me time” as they need or desire – I never imagined I would be in a position to know quite so many details of the event. So I have come to the sad conclusion that it is for the best I don’t visit the room above again, since it suddenly seemed a little too intimate for me. It is a shame though, he has a lovely penis. I think I shall suggest he calls me if he ever leaves our building…

Of course, now the question remains – what possible reason can I give as why I wish to sever contact? I am guessing “I heard you masturbating” may put the poor chap off his ‘stroke’ for sometime.

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