November 7, 2009

ELIZABETH ROSE and SKYE BLUE

We know, we know boys – no woman has ever faked an orgasm with you. Why would they have to? You’re a ‘cocksman’, a stallion, a bedroom bully, a regular Don Juan if you will, and no woman ever leaves your bed unsatisfied. Trust me, we understand and that is why we are dedicating this list to all the men who are not like you – STUD.

Although this post clearly doesn’t apply to you, please read on to learn some of the reasons why women fake ‘The Big O’ with your less talented brothers.

1. She knows you’ll be crushed if she doesn’t come.
2. Her mind was elsewhere throughout most of the action and she feels guilty.
3. She doesn’t want to mess up her hair.
4. She wants to get it all over with, because she didn’t feel like having sex in the first place.
5. She can’t take anymore of your lacklustre performance in the budoir.
6. You came already and she feels badly, despite the fact it took you less than three minutes.
7. She thinks her cum face is unattractive and doesn’t want you to see her that way.
8. She’s doing her best to ensure that you keep doing what works for her – a little embellishment can go a long way.
9. She’s trying to spare your feelings as you’ve already made a number of unsuccessful attempts to please her.
10. Glee is about to start and she doesn’t want to risk missing her favourite TV show.

We got to 10 and were having so much fun we decided to keep going – lucky for you.  Here’s 10 more.

1. She’s amused by the fact that you’re convinced that ‘you’re the best she’s ever had‘ and that you really believe that you make her multiorgasmic.
2. She can’t feel it anyway, because you have a VSD (very small dick).
3. You’re ‘stretchin’ sweaters’ (thank you Alana), and she can’t take another moment of being speared by your ‘girthy’ manhood.
4. She hopes someone may be watching or listening, as she used to go out with her upstairs neighbour and wants him to know she doesn’t miss him.
5. She can’t remember your name and yelling ‘Oh God’ a few times is a sure fire way to make sure you don’t notice.
6. The sweat from your man boobs is dripping into her eyes.
7. She plans to dump you soon, as she’s been boffing her co-worker for months, and her cries of ecstasy are your consolation prize.
8. She needs to borrow money from you so she can make her car payment on time.
9. Her mother told her that it takes 50 orgasms to make a man confident enough to give a woman an engagement ring.
10. She’s trying to make your night together very memorable, so you’ll believe her when she tells you she’s pregnant with your baby next month.

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