December 7, 2009

ELIZABETH ROSE

“When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life” – Samuel Johnson

I will shortly be returning to London for my Christmas break, and I started to reflect on the men I will be leaving here in Canada and the men I will be returning to in London. Firstly, there is my Adonis with a cock near to perfection that I mentioned in my recent guide to casual sex. I will be practicing all 7 steps, but mostly step 4; a lot of step 4.

In addition to my fantasies, I was also musing on the differences between the men of London and Toronto.

Firstly, my accent isn’t currency in London. I am not greeted with a twinkle in an eye and an offer of a free drink because I sound exotic. Although I am greeted with an air of mischief quite a lot because I have a look of a wanton about  me.

Another key difference is the London mating dance. In Toronto, there seems to be some general practice about not putting out on the first date. In London the general practice seems never to have a first date.

Figure 1: London mating/ dating

According to the past experience of my friends the process illustrated in Figure 1 above is common for acquiring a boyfriend (should you wish one).

• Firstly, wake up naked next to the same man on three or more consecutive weekends.
• Then you will the enter a period defined as “seeing each other”.
• After a few weeks or months of this, you will be introduced in a social setting as his girlfriend.
• You are now “going out”.

Toronto dating seems to be a complex dance with a beat inexplicable to the uninitiated. Thankfully I don’t wish to date a Canuck longer than it takes to orgasm.

This is quite fortunate as I wouldn’t want children raised to spell with ‘z’.

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