December 16, 2009

SKYE BLUE

Just when I didn’t think I had anything good to write, as if on cue I was dragged into the madness of someone else’s life. So now, I’ve got BIG NEWS to share with you all.

The other day I was heading home from work and one of my long time friends, Ethan, called me. Now Ethan is an old school chum of mine and the two of us get along like a house on fire. We are so close in fact when he was getting ready to propose to his long time girlfriend Leah, I was the one he called for advice on how to make his proposal real special.

As quick aside, can I tell you how nervous my boy was leading up the proposal? After he finally purchased the ‘perfect’ ring, he had a lot of trouble sleeping.  So much so in fact that over the course of the month he had to wait for her birthday to roll around so he could propose (yes, he is  insanely romantic) he got reprimanded by his boss more than a few times for making mistakes at work. The man damn near lost his job. That’s how much my boy loved his girl, and it was a beautiful thing, sigh.

Anyway, once the proposal was out of the way they quickly set a date and started planning the wedding. Somehow Ethan convinced his lovely future bride to include me in the bridal party – even though she only knew me through him. Since then the three of us have all been pretty close. We hung out together almost weekly, at our fave spot, 7 West, until they had the twins (two beautiful little girls) two years ago. They quickly became busy parents who didn’t have time to play with spinsters like me anymore (you can’t tell, but I’m pouting). It had been months since we’d hung out and weeks since he and I had spoken, so when I saw his number come up on my phone I was elated.

‘Ethan, what’s up? Long time no speak. How are the babes?’

‘Skye! My girls are doing well and I’m alright. You got time to hang tonight?’

‘You and Leah want to hang on a week night?’ I replied, ‘I got to work early tomorrow, but I’ll happily make time for the two of you.’

‘Well, it’ll be just me tonight. If you’re cool with that, can we say 8:30pm at our regular spot?’

Something in his voice told me we wouldn’t be making jokes over drinks when we met.

‘Cool dude. I’ll see you then.’ As I hung up the phone I figured maybe he and Leah were having a fight, you know a lover’s spat.  It couldn’t be more than that. They’re such a solid couple.

When I got to the restaurant my favourite server, Jamie K., told me Ethan was waiting for me on the third floor (that’s how often the three of us used to hang out there).

‘Hey Ethan,’ I said as I approached the tiny table he was sitting at.

‘Skye, lookin’ good as always,’ Ethan said, getting up to give me a hug. ‘I guess you still knockin’ them dead huh?’

‘I try, I try,’ I slid into the booth across from him and flipped through the menu. ‘You going to eat?’

‘I already ordered some chevre and an iced tea for you.’

‘Alright then, I’m covered,’ I said, closing the menu. ‘So what’s up with the last minute hang out request?’

‘Wait a minute. Isn’t wanting to see one of my oldest and dearest friend’s enough of a reason to request a visit?’

‘Absolutely, but something else is up. What gives?’

Ethan took a long sip of his water. ‘I wanted to call you to talk about this months ago.’ He paused and looked at his hands. ‘Wow this is harder than I thought. I haven’t told anybody this yet.’

‘Dude, we’ve been friends for years. There’s nothing you can’t tell me.’

Ethan took a deep breath and nodded. ‘Okay, here goes. Leah and I aren’t doing so well. And if things keep going this way I think we may end up getting divorced.’

No, say it ain’t so. ‘What?’ I was shocked as hell. ‘Why?’

Over the course of our meal Ethan explained that since having the twins their relationship had changed. Leah seemed to be struggling with balancing her career and motherhood, they never spent any time alone together, and (here’s the kicker folks) in the two years since they had the twins they’d only had sex THREE TIMES – and not at all in the last year.

PAUSE. (I’m going to give you all a moment of silence so you can get your breathing back in order as the weight of that revelation sinks in.)

We good now?… Alright then, since your saying your fine I’m going to continue.

Anyway, as I was saying Ethan told me that he and his wife had sex only three times in two years (why do I feel a pain in my chest every time I write that?), and he was at his wits end.

‘I want my wife and our life as a loving couple back.’ Folks, the man was almost whimpering.

This is heartbreaking. ‘Have you told her how you’re feeling?’

‘Yes, but I think we may be past the point where talking will help.’

OMG! What does that mean? ‘Ethan, you haven’t stepped out on her have you?’

‘No, but I have to admit I’ve thought about it on more than one occasion.’

Stay strong brother, I know women must be eyeballin’ your ass all the time. ‘I don’t know what to say? Have you two tried couples’ counselling?’

‘It’s come up, but we haven’t pursued it. I think we’re both hoping things will just fall back into place one day.’

‘Dude, you two need to get some outside help to put things back together. You’ve got to try for the sake of your girls.’

‘I know,’ Ethan said, and then clapped his hands. ‘But enough of my sob story how about you? What’s going on in your life?’

That was my cue. I knew Ethan well enough to know that he was done talking about his situation. So, I did what any good friend would do. I launched into a monologue about the most entertaining and funny happenings in my life since we last spoke. Despite his somber mood, I actually got him laughing.

At 10:30pm Ethan swigged the last bit of the beer he’d been nursing all night. ‘It’s getting late. I should head back home. You need a ride?’

‘Naw, it’s out of your way. I’ll just take the subway.’

‘No way, you came out just to hang with me and gave me a long reprieve from the bleakness of my life. The least I could do is drive you home.’

‘Alright, I’m not going to fight about it. Let’s go.’

About 20 minutes later we pulled up in front of my building.

‘Ethan don’t be a stranger, and please call me anytime you need to talk.’

‘Thanks Skye. You’re the best.’

I smiled and as I leaned in to hug him, Ethan turned his face towards me and kissed me.

Shocked, I pulled away immediately and swiftly got out of the car. As I shot towards the entrance to my building, I heard Ethan’s calling me ‘Skye, please wait’, but I didn’t look back.

Now at some point Ethan and I will speak again, and when we do this whole mess will be cleared up, though I’m not sure things will ever go back to normal (whatever that means). But the entire situation got me thinking.

How long can a woman or man in an exclusive and committed relationship or marriage, close up shop and expect his/her partner to be faithful? Frankly, I think that (and I know this won’t be a popular opinion) if a woman or a man, in an exclusive relationship chooses not to put out for an extended period of time (which I’m not going to define because I think it’s an individual thing), she or he is virtually giving their partner license to go else where for what they need – leading them into temptation, so to speak.

My friend Ethan is a good dude, and if his story is to be believed (and for the record I do believe him) he has yet to cheat on his wife. I’m sure the night we met in his sex-starved state after sharing his big secret with me, he just wanted to connect with someone, anyone – physically. And after such a long stint of imposed celibacy wouldn’t you?

Dear readers, your thoughts?

Share This

---

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
•