December 24, 2009

SAM SHARPE

When I was a (much) younger man and a (much) less mature man, my friends and I used to joke that it was in our interests to meet a woman whose birthday fell on a day somewhere around or after Valentine’s Day. Not because we could combine two gifts in one (although that could be a bonus) but because if you started dating her in March for example you would be spared the soul crushing pressure that is trying to figure out the appropriate gift (that’s why so many of you women get ‘shite’ gifts, sometimes we can’t handle the pressure). We also joked that you would then make sure to break up with her before Christmas so that you would avoid that morass as well. In the event that one of our crew lucked into such a woman, we called that situation the “sweet spot”.

My friends and I have all matured past that stage and have discovered the joys of gift giving. The thing with gift giving is that the more you care about the person the more pleasure you derive from giving them the kind of gift that puts a smile on their face. As such, gift giving is one of the sure fire signs of love, if not falling in love.

Anyway, we’ve all given and received our share of lousy gifts, and our fair share of spectacular ones. Today I thought I’d share some of my own gift giving hits and misses.

Miss: One Christmas, my then girlfriend told me that she didn’t think we should spend a lot of money on each other. She also mentioned that what she really wanted were these boy shorts from La Senza or some place like that. I believed her and bought her the boy shorts – only the boy shorts. She bought me an authentic throwback jersey of my favourite ball player plus a bottle of Glenlivet. She was not pleased. We clearly defined “not a lot of money” differently.

Hit: I dated Nicole for three years. Nicole loved cheesecake. Our anniversary happened to fall on a day when she was out of the country on business. I got her a cheesecake. Dulce De Leche. From the Cheesecake factory. Delivered to her hotel room. Along with a bouquet of flowers (she also loved flowers).

Miss: It was Valentine’s Day and I bought Jasmine a top from Club Monaco. Times were tough and that was really all that I could afford. Well she really did not like the top, and to make matters worse the next night we went on a double date with her best friend Denise and her boyfriend Derek, who had given Denise a great gift. Apparently Derek had done the whole Tiffany’s thing for Valentine’s Day. As we drove home after the date, Jasmine made it quite clear that she thought I was a cheap, thoughtless bastard and went on to say that maybe she should be dating Derek instead of me because he clearly loved his woman (this narrative may say more about Jasmine than me, but I still consider it a failure on my part).

My Biggest Hit: I was absolutely head over f***ing heels in love with Sara (who was the subject of Be Careful What You Ask For: The Tyranny of the P***y), who had body image issues (much like most women) and clearly didn’t understand how beautiful she was. Sara could not see that she was absolutely gorgeous. In short, she couldn’t see herself through my eyes. So, I decided to show her.

I met Sara after work one evening and told her that I wanted her to go shopping with me. Sara was slightly annoyed, but she indulged me, figuring I was on one of my “I need a new pair of kicks to feed my shoe habit moods”. I wasn’t. We started at Yonge & Wellesley and headed north to Bloor. Then we walked along Bloor Street and stopped in every shop. I picked out item after item. I had Sara trying on the kinds of things I always wanted to see her in, the kinds of clothes that complemented her physique (she had a gorgeous little body) and really emphasized her femininity. Anything she liked, anything she wanted, I paid for. We spent hours shopping. My credit card was worked overtime.

It was the best money I ever spent. The memory of the excitement that was etched on her face as she tried on these fabulous clothes was worth every penny and made it easy to not groan when I received my credit card statement. And any time we went out somewhere I got an extra charge if she was wearing an outfit I had purchased for her on that day.

Sara and I have long since broken up, but we’ve remained good friends. On several occasions she’s mentioned how that day made her feel special, made her feel desirable and helped to make her understand just how beautiful she was. Occasionally when I see her at a function or run into her in the street, she’ll be wearing an item from our shopping spree together. Though I’m no longer with her and I no longer get the pleasure of undressing her at the end of the night, I’m so glad I was able to give her that gift. I’m so glad that I was able to share in her  joy. And isn’t that what loving someone is all about?

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