December 26, 2009

SAM SHARPE

Shopping.

Dinner with her best friend Suzy and Suzy’s significant other.

An evening out to see the ballet.

A night in watching Sandra Bullock flicks.

Watering her plants while she’s out of town.

Watching gymnastics/figure skating.

Cuddling*.

Can you guess what all these things have in common?

Yes, these are all things men have absolutely no interest in doing, but do with or for the women that they love (Yes, I know I’m generalizing and painting in broad strokes here, but just humour me for a minute). But why?

From my perspective, the problem with the whole “I can’t stand this, but I’m doing it because I love you” phenomenon is that it makes very little sense. Each partner knows what’s going on. A woman who drags her unwilling man to Queen West to go shopping on a sunny summer day when she knows he’d much rather be grilling up a side of ribs with his boys is inconsiderate at best. A man who insists that his lady accompany him to the sports bar to watch the Raptors game when he knows that she would rather be at home painting her nails and watching So You Think You Can Dance is a jackass. No, scratch that. This kind of man is more than a jackass. His credentials, his “bonafides” as a card carrying member of the heterosexual and heteronormative cabal more commonly known as “the boys” should be called into question. Pronto. He cannot be trusted.

As I see it the root of this type of behaviour is the far too common and misguided belief that your significant other should be all things to you. Too many of us fall into the trap of thinking that not doing or sharing everything we like to do with our partner means there’s something wrong with our relationship. Basically, we’ve been conditioned to do things we detest and to expect our partners to do the same, all in the name of love. But as my Brit friends would say, that’s a complete and utter load of bollocks. Why would anyone knowingly, willfully and repeatedly expose their loved one to stuff they know he or she can’t stand?

Sasha was a wonderful lady I used to date, who I was crazy about, and with the exception of the fact that she didn’t drink alcohol had few perceivable faults. You see, Sasha was firmly against the consumption of any and all alcoholic beverages. I on the other hand enjoy Scotch and Rum to such a degree that if it were socially acceptable I would consume them for breakfast. Anyway, many of my friends love to imbibe as well. So, knowing that my paramour couldn’t stand the stuff, when I was hanging out with my boys at the bar, I would usually go solo and meet Sasha after the fact.

Predictably this became a contentious issue in our relationship. Sasha felt that I should bring her out more. I was loathe to do this because I knew that she would not enjoy herself, and that having to watch her not enjoying herself would make me and my brothers in arms miserable. The situation came to a head one evening when Sasha made the pronouncement that…

“If you really love me Sam, you would invite me out with you and your friends when you go out drinking. You do love me don’t you?”

(Can I just reiterate again that this makes no sense to me?) We broke up pretty much on the spot—and I won’t tell you whether or not I loved her or how I responded to her question.

People, for the love of Peter, Paul, Mary and Joseph, please stop expecting your significant other to be all things to you. Seriously, when you want a choice cut of ham, you go to the butcher. When you want that stain removed from you cashmere sweater you go to the dry cleaners. Everyone has his or her role in life. I want the woman I love to be just that, the woman I love, and if that means she’d be happier shopping with Suzy while I’m left at home, I say so be it.

After all isn’t being happy what love is all about?

Share This

---

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
•