January 2, 2010

SKYE BLUE

The thought of anything going in my ass creeps me out for two reasons. One, because based on very necessary rectal check ups done by my doctor, I think it would feel awful: and two, as a het guy I have trouble wrapping my head around the idea of being that submissive – even with a woman I loved.

–  J.L., an anti-pegging advocate

It turns out that the straight-male fear of reciprocal anal play is a potent mix of sexism and homophobia; a straight man can do it to someone else, but having it done to him isn’t okay.

– Em & Lo (Emma Taylor and Lorelei Sharkey), The Bottom Line

If she put a finger in your ass, there’s no override switch that turns you gay.

– Dan Savage on Straight Men

Those of you who’ve read the intro to Fringe Month piece I wrote yesterday already know that I am fascinated by how squeamish straight guys get when the topic of butt play (in their bottoms) comes up. I am especially intrigued by the men who are anxious to anally penetrate their female partners and adamantly refuse to offer up their own behinds for penetration. Why you ask? Well, my friends, over the years I’ve had to protect my own anus (I’m not so keen on anal myself) from such men time and time again. As a result I have all but perfected delivering the line ‘I’ll do it if you let me do it to you first’ in the sweetest of tones, to shut down any and all anal sex discussions.

In my experience most men are decidedly unwilling to be pegged, even when they long to have anal sex with their girlfriends. Despite this the research shows that the incidence of anal relations among heterosexuals continues to rise. A 2005 survey conducted by the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) found that 38.2% of men aged 20-39 and 32.6% of women aged 18-44 engage in heterosexual anal sex; whereas the CDC’s 1992 National Health and Social Life survey, found that only 25.6% of men 18 to 59 and 20.4% of women 18 to 59 indulged in it. Although it’s likely that in most cases the anal sex being reported involved men penetrating their female partners, I’m sure that a portion of this increase is due to men allowing their female partners to peg them. So I began to wonder if I knew any pro-pegging men personally? I was sure I didn’t, but to find out I decided to round up some of my boys and ask them if they’d be up for anal penetration, with a tongue, digit or dildo, if they were every asked by a woman.

As I suspected, upon being asked the question each of my friends recoiled. I was faced with looks of horror, furrowed brows and agitated men jabbering on about  how just the mention of something going in their ass caused their butt cheeks to tighten – a phenomenon my friend G labelled ‘instinctual butt clenching’ or IBC.

IBC and its associated symptoms occurred in every man I asked except one, who admitted that he had let a woman put her tongue in his anus once and that he’d really enjoyed it. But even my pro-rimming homie brother caught a serious case if IBC when I asked him about the possibility of even the tiniest of pinky fingers getting near his anus. I asked him to explain, but all he managed to do was mutter that he might let a woman he was seriously committed to do it, as his anus was ‘V.I.P. real estate’ (trust me, he really said that) and then he quickly ended our conversation. When the men I spoke to were able to get past their IBC and I pressed them to tell me why anal penetration was such a problem for them – and believe me I had to drag the answers out of them – I got numerous variations of the following (weak – in my estimation anyway) responses:

‘I don’t want anything in my ass. It goes against the natural flow of my body.’

‘That shit has got to hurt, how could it not?’

‘Girls are used to being penetrated and they should let their men do it. Straight men just aren’t built that way.’

Basically, from what I can tell although dudes are not always clear on their reasons, they definitely aren’t into having their butts probed.

Before I wrap this post up, I think it’s important that I share the story my buddy J.L. (who I quoted at the beginning of this post) told me. His story makes it clear that any woman attempting to probe her man’s anus without his permission could be risking her own safety, as well as the health of her relationship.

Apparently, in the not so distant past, during the middle of a hot and heavy horizontal mambo session, J.L.’s then girlfriend attempted to slip a digit into his anus. According to J.L. when her fingertip grazed the edge of his crack, his whole body tensed up and he launched her right off the bed. She ended up on the cold, hardwood floor, and the next morning a large purple bruise  covered her entire right side. Although beyond the bruising she wasn’t hurt too badly, the incident almost ended their relationship – he was appalled that she would try a move like that without asking him and she was pissed off by what she deemed to be his ‘overreaction’. In any case, they ended up getting through it, but for the duration of their relationship butt play never came up again (hmmm…I wonder why?)

Based on my research it seems that there are a fair number of men who are not quite ready to be penetrated. What do you think dear readers? I’d love to hear your thoughts on the following questions:

1. Do you think that there are many men out there who are open to being pegged?
2. Gentlemen, are any of you among the brave minority who are up for being a bottom in the bedroom?
3. Ladies, would you be willing to peg your man if he asked? Have you ever asked a man to allow you to do it? If so, what do you get out of it?

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