January 20, 2010

SKYE BLUE

Okay all. Today’s post is all about tying people up during sex – the post I’ve been dreading writing. For all my bravado and big talk I’m really quite wussy about things like this. Truth is, based what little I’ve seen and heard about bondage made me a more than a little scared of the whole thing. (Up until the time I started doing the research for this post my exposure was limited to movie and TV depictions, which tend to make bondage seem like something only dark, sadistic people would be into – so not the case in real life I’ve learned.) But as I said in the intro to Fringe Month post – I’ve never been one to let fear stop me. So, now I’m happy to report that I, Skye Blue, resident wus of the Met Another Frog team, took the plunge and jumped headlong into finding out as much as I could bondage.

What is Bondage?

Bondage involves using restraints such as rope, cuffs, blindfolds and gags to induce sexual pleasure for the individuals involved.

Why Try Bondage?

Bondage enthusiasts tend to enjoy giving up or being in control. For example, an individual who is in a position of power or authority in their work life may relish the chance to give up control or be submissive in the boudoir. In contrast, someone who wields little control outside the bedroom might get off on running the show or being the dominant one behind closed doors. Some people will switch back and forth between being submissive or dominant, and then they are those individuals who simply take pleasure in the physical struggle.

Bondage Do’s:

1. Use multiple loops of rope.
2. Set a time limit to be tied up – generally about 30 minutes in any one position for a healthy individual.
3. Be alert to the submissive’s (the person tied up) physical limitations, breathing and reactions, so you can adjust restraints as necessary for their safety.
4. Have a safe word or signal the submissive can say or do to indicate that he or she wants to stop. Commonly used safe words green for ‘I’m enjoying what you’re doing’, yellow for ‘proceed cautiously’ and red for ‘STOP, I’m not having that’.
5. Keep a pair of quick release scissors (industrial scissors for rope or leather restraints, and medical ones for bandages or saran wrap) in case of emergencies.
6. Remember that the submissive’s word is LAW.

Bondage Don’ts:

1. Never restrain your partner or allow yourself to be restrained when you’re not alert (i.e. are tired or under the influence of drugs or alcohol).
2. Avoid trying things you aren’t sure about and remember that the front of the neck should NEVER receive pressure of any kind.
3. Never leave a bondaged person alone or unattended.
4. Do not restrain your partner so tightly that you cut off his or her circulation (causes numbness or tingling), impinge nerves (causes shooting or focused pain) or position them in away that limits their breathing (may cause headaches or fainting).

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If after reading all this your stomach is tied up in knots (pun intended) at the thought of being restrained or restraining someone, not to worry – you can simulate the feeling of being tied up without actually being tethered. I spoke with someone at ehbc.ca (a fabulous resource for those of you interested in learning more about kink) who explained that:

“… individuals who want to try bondage, but who aren’t quite ready to be restrained with rope, cuffs, etc. can start by just having their partner hold them down during sex or grabbing hold of the bedposts and not letting go.”

An easy and perhaps less frightening way to lose or gain control in the bedroom, n’est pas?

I have to admit that now that I’ve spent so much time reading and talking about bondage it doesn’t scare me so much anymore (perhaps I’ve graduated from wus to wimp?). Although, I still seriously doubt I’ll ever allow someone to tie me up (yes, I’ve got control and trust issues), I think that now if someone were to ask me to tie them up, I’d probably give it a go.

So readers tell me, what are your thoughts on bondage? Any ‘wusses’ like me out there still saying, ‘Not I!’? Are some of you busy collecting rope and other accoutrement for tonight’s bedroom bondage scene as you read this? Are you happiest when you’re hog-tied, spread eagle or cuffed? Most excited when your partner is tied down on the bed?  Or do you love it all?

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