January 30, 2010

SAM SHARPE

Everyone has done it. Whether run of the mill (Harder! Faster!), slightly ridiculous (c’mon Big Boy, give me that MAGIC stick!) or juvenile (I love your tits!) we’ve all taken the opportunity to bend a lover’s ear with some choice spicy words. There’s nothing wrong with that. However, there’s always the possibility that someone will say the wrong thing at the wrong time, and subsequently change a potentially hot evening into a night of cold stares and turned backs, followed by (horror of horrors) the blocking of a phone number. Case in point – A friend of mine recently told me that the woman he had been dating for a few short months asked him to shit on her. The end result? You guessed it, they are no longer dating. Hmmm…Me thinks fecal play is something you build up to – SLOWLY.

That’s the risk you take when you decide to talk a little grimy. I don’t think I’m much of a sexual conversationalist myself but I’ve had women express the strangest things to me. I dated one young lady who loved to tell me how much it turned her on to imagine me “fucking someone else”. She only expressed this desire while in the middle of the diddle. When asked about her predilection for this particular brand of ‘dutty’ talk, she shut me down, claiming that it was something that only turned her on when she was already hot and bothered. Okay.

Well, one night she upped the ante by not only reiterating this desire to see me f***ing someone else, but she started to name names. She wanted to watch me with her friends and her sister in law and on and on it went. And she didn’t stop there. She went so far as to ask,

“Sam, would you do it? Would you be willing to fuck one of my friends while I watch?”

PAUSE.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re saying to yourself, “Sam Sharpe, I hope you thought long and hard before you answered her.” Unfortunately, I wasn’t thinking. I was fucking. Or maybe more accurately I was preoccupied with the sweet, sweet, session we were having. Plus, I was playing along (and if I’m honest, some of her friends were very tasty indeed and if given the chance to take a stripe off one of them, I would have done it in a heartbeat. And don’t get me started on her sister in law). So I responded the same way any honest, brain dead-cock live man would. In the heat of a really sweet down stroke I boldly declared, “YES.”

The repercussions were not immediate. We finished what we started, our bodies intertwined in a tangle of sweat, sex and euphoria. It was then that her demeanor changed. I was taken to task for wanting to “fuck her friends”.

“How could I ever trust you around my girls, now that I know you want to fuck them?” she asked, her eyes searching my face suspiciously, as if she was seeing me for the first time.

Of course I want to bone your friends. They’re fiiiiiiiinnnnnnne. “But I was just playing along, doing what I thought you wanted”, I countered. But my argument fell on deaf ears. Apparently I had played along too well for her liking and it soon became clear that our relationship was irreparably damaged.

Although I still scratch my head when I think about her response that day, in the grand scheme of things, our break up wasn’t a biggie. I had known long before that day that our relationship wasn’t going anywhere. But you better believe I won’t EVER make that mistake again.

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