Welcome! This is the first installment of Ask The Expert, our new monthly feature that allows you, our readers, to get all your questions about love, romance, dating and mating answered by our resident Relationship Coach, Owen Williams, and our Enthusiastic Amateurs, Leesa Gaspari, comedienne and (on occasion) the Met Another Frog team. To send in your queries visit our Contact Uspage, and then be sure to check out the Ask The Expert post on the last Sunday of every month.
The Question: The guy I’m currently ‘hanging with’ is also my first love. We’ve had a thing for each since we were 12. We started dating seriously when I was 17 and were connected at the hip until we were 21. Although, we had a pretty tough break up, over the years whenever we’ve both been single we’ve scratched each other’s itches – we’re in the middle of one of those periods now. When we’re together we have a good time and everything feels right. He often tells me how important I am to him and how much he appreciates my presence in his life. Also, he gets all jealous whenever other guys talk to me. But even with all this he still seems to be real cagey about the idea of getting back together. Based on what I’ve said does it seem likely he’ll ever make the leap and solidify our relationship again? – Still Waiting
Answers from Our Expert and Enthusiastic Amateur:
Dear Still Waiting, If by now you can’t see the pattern, look at the writing on the wall. Are you settling for a man who has yet to grow up and be decisive? Although being with him is like wearing comfy pyjamas, he comes with the jealous streak. Unless he is willing to look at that and take responsibility for the insecurity that is in him, you don’t stand a chance of having a long term satisfying relationship with this man. Just the fact that you are asking the question tells me that he doesn’t have the three things a man needs to have to make it with a woman:
A man needs to have a plan for his life and he needs to be able to communicate that plan effectively in a believable way.
A man needs to be able to make a woman laugh. The feminine can get way too serious and she needs him to step up at that moment and lighten her up.
A man needs to be able to meet her needs sexually and emotionally.
Dearest Still Waiting, Or should I say, Dear Giving It Up For Free? What you had is clearly over. But, what you NOW have is someone getting the goods for free. You should dress up like a door mat for Halloween this year or even better, promptly cut off his free access to your Clam of Love. I might ask you, once you acknowledge that he doesn’t actually ‘care’ as much as you want to believe, why the hell would you want him anyway? Why wait around for him to decide about getting back together? Take your muffin and move far, far away. Sure, hold on to the good memories, but MOVE ON and dump his ass. Clearly, he’s a douche. I speak from experience. This is leading nowhere. Your pussy will thank you, trust me.