February 2, 2010

SKYE BLUE

Score! Mission accomplished. The phone number of the girl or guy whose wit, charm, good looks and/or hot body has your pulse racing and loins throbbing has been saved on your mobile phone. ‘It was great meeting you, I’ll be in touch soon,’ you say as the two of you part ways. As you walk away you congratulate yourself for having the courage to ask for and skill to get what you wanted. Now all I have to do is decide when to call… Shit. And that’s when your mind shift into high gear.

Should I call today to show him I’m really interested?

Would calling her right away make me seem too eager?

I’ll wait a few days to call so he doesn’t think he’s all that. Besides I don’t want to put myself out there too much.

I should make her sweat for a few days before I call.

Wait for him to call first. You need to find out if he’s really interested.

Fuck it, she has my number. I’ll just sit tight ‘til she calls me.

As silly as all this seems most of us have been there. The fact is the initial stages of any connection can be a little crazy-making as you attempt to determine if the level of interest of the object of your desire matches your own. But whether you call the very same day, days later or wait patiently for them to call you, without question, having a good first phone call will almost guarantee you a first date (and a chance to score an even bigger prize). Which begs the question – what makes the first phone call really great?

Although there are a ton of things that I could list for the makings of a great first phone call (i.e. having common interests, positive vibes, some good jokes, etc.), I’m going to come at this from a different angle and share a few snippets from some really bad first phone calls I’ve had in the past. In essence, I’m going to show you just what it takes to have a really bad first phone call…

Call #1

Man: Are you religious?

Skye: Not particularly, though I do meditate and I’m interested in Buddhism.

Man: Hmmm…You know Christianity is the only true path to salvation don’t you?

Skye: Right. Oh my goodness. I didn’t realize how late it was.  It’s way past my bedtime.  Gotta go. Bye.

FYI: Generally it’s not a good idea to conduct religious conversions on the first phone call – if ever.

Call #2

Man: What kind of music are you into?

Skye: Jazz mostly, but I also like electronica, rock, and a little hip hop.

Man: You didn’t mention reggae, you sure you’re Jamaican?

Skye:  Right. Oops, I’m getting a long distance beep. It’s probably one of my relatives calling from Jamaica to update me on the latest Dancehall tunes. I’d better take the call or I might lose my Jamaican status altogether, you know? Later.

Questioning someone’s heritage and cultural affiliations based on trivial shit like the music they listen to, is also a bad idea.

Call #3

Skye: So what do you like to do in your spare time?

Man:  Not much really. Just play video games and watch TV.  Oh yeah, when I’m really bored I surf the internet for some free porn.

Skye: Silence.

Man: Hey, you still there?

Skye: Uh yeah, but my phone is on the fritz and I’m having trouble hearing you. I hope you can still hear me… You there?… Oh shit, I can’t hear anything now. Anyway, if you can still hear me I think the battery in my cordless is dying. I’ll call you back when it’s charged. Bye.

At least pretend to have a life during the first phone call…or ten.

Call #4

Man: What’s your favourite TV show?

Skye: Actually, I don’t own a TV so I don’t wat—

Man: (in a tone that suggests horror and disbelief) What do you mean you don’t have a TV? Who doesn’t have a TV?

Skye: Uhhmm…I guess people like me?

Man: If we start hanging out, what the hell am I supposed to do when I come over to your house?

Skye: Like you’d ever get an invitation. Well, assuming we get that far you could talk to me, listen to music or in a pinch read.

Man: Man, I can’t believe you don’t have a TV. That’s just crazy. Blah, blah blah (harping on issue for far too long).

Skye: Okay, well this has been real fun, but I have to go.

Man: Yeah cool, but I still can’t believe you don’t have a TV. Enjoy your night of uhh…reading (laughing at his own joke, if we can call it a joke). I’ll be here watching _____________ (insert the name of the stupidest reality show you can think of here) on my 50” HD TV. Ha ha!

Skye: (rolling eyes) Uh huh. Knock yourself out. Goodnight.

Word to the wise. Making fun of the person you’re talking to because their  lifestyle is different from yours is not a good look.

That’s all I got folks. Until next time best of luck to all of you out there expecting to make or receive that first phone call in the near future. I hope a really good ‘prize’ comes out of it.

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