February 18, 2010

ELIZABETH ROSE

“Absence sharpens love, presence strengthens it.” – Thomas Fuller

I have already put my stake in the ground stating that as relationships proceed ladies’ underwear get larger and oral sex is offered less frequently. I even have graphs – so it’s science fact.

To Elizabeth Rose, the declining availability of sexual favours and any perceived lack of intercourse is the beginning of the end. To me it demonstrates complacency, and being taken for granted by my lover. I have needs; he should be servicing them with every fibre of his being every chance he gets.

If he isn’t having sex with me – then what is he doing? This isn’t a question borne of jealousy, it’s about pride. If I am satiated he is welcome to put it wherever he chooses, however, if I’m not getting it, is someone else?

Or worse – is he just not doing it at all anymore?

Where does all his sperm go??? Will I be sharing a bed with crusty sheets from wet dreams and not the post orgasm fluid exchange we all know and love?

Is he spending his free time in strip bars? Why has he stopped taking me?

Beyond my own paranoia and biological fears, I am told there is a positive side to the decline in sexual contact. The “C” word…

Cuddling.

What horrors await when cuddling is a justified replacement for a good hard shag?

If you are one of these people, who believe cuddling is the height of intimacy, did you ever stop and wonder if maybe the sex dried up because it wasn’t very good? Perhaps it is those giant granny knickers you started wearing? Or even that you let yourself go once you got a boyfriend? (All those cooked breakfasts weren’t really for him were they?)

When I’m in a relationship and we start cuddling instead of fucking, I am quick to start looking for a poly-amorous relationship. (Most of you cuddlers would call that cheating – but I’d call you sexually repressed so perhaps we should agree to disagree instead of name calling.)

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