February 18, 2010

SKYE BLUE

Partner let me upgrade you
Audemars Piguet you
Switch your neck ties to purple labels
Upgrade you
I can (up), can I (up)
Lemme upgrade you
Partner let me upgrade you
Partner let me upgrade you
Flip a new page
Introduce you to some new things &
Upgrade you

Beyonce Knowles

‘Mind if we stop in at Get Outside for a minute?’ Elle asked, moving towards the door of the busy Queen West shoe store without waiting for my response. ‘I want to see it they have anything to help Nick with the  image makeover kick he’s on.’

I followed her through the crowded shop. ‘You meant to say the makeover my man kick that you’re on right?’

‘Whatever Skye,’ she said, waving her hand at me as she headed for the back of the shop. Once there she picked up one of the pricey looking leather boots and added ‘Trust me, Nick loves his new look, and all the compliments he’s been getting.  Besides, ain’t nothing wrong with upgrading your man right?’

I nodded but I wasn’t so sure.

You see, from the minute my mother picked up on the fact that her teenage daughter was noticing boys she’s started telling me:

‘Skye, when you meet a man you like assume that he’s at his peak physically, mentally and emotionally. So, if you don’t like what he’s offering you in that moment, you’d best walk away because chances are it’s all downhill from there. And take it from me baby girl, the last thing you need to do is waste time dating a man’s potential.’

As I got older, and really grasped what she was saying I added my own corollary to her sage advice, which states:

If I meet a man and feel I have to change him to make him good enough or better to date, he and I simply are aren’t meant to be.

But my girl Elle and I weren’t on the same page on that one, because from the moment she started dating Nick (whom she affectionately called her diamond in the rough) she’d been slowly molding, shaping and remodeling him into her so called ‘ideal man’. To hear Elle tell it, just a little tweaking of his wardrobe and hair, in addition to taking the few courses he needed finish his degree was all she needed to get him to do to make him the man of her dreams. And tweak she did. Over the course of the 10 months she and Nick had been together, he had transformed from a simple jeans and t-shirt cutie, to a hottie worthy of a GQ spread.

Now although I can’t argue that the metamorphosis Nick went through didn’t make him look better, to my mind part of loving someone is accepting them just the way they are – dated wardrobe, bad hair, unfinished post-secondary education and all. I can’t imagine how vexed and disrespected I’d feel if some dude tried to upgrade me (Idris Elba, Daniel Craig, Marcus Patrick and Clive Owen being notable exceptions, as I’d be too busy drooling to argue with any of them), so I’m so not trying to do that any man I date.

But then again, maybe I’m over thinking it (I’ve been known to do that a time or two).

Based on what Elle’s been telling me Nick is perfectly happy being upgraded (though it did take her about four months to get him to agree to buy clothing more to her liking and there were many, many battles between them along the way). So maybe I’m among the minority of people who balk at the thought of being ‘upgraded’ to meet their partner’s standards?

Readers I’d love to hear your thoughts.

• Would any of you be okay with being upgraded?
• How would you feel if your partner tried to upgrade you by getting you to: change your style of dress, wear your hair differently, go back to school, etc.?
• Have you ever tried to upgrade someone and have them push back (i.e say no)?
• Is there ever a time when trying to upgrade your mate is okay?

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