February 28, 2010

The Question:

If you start with casual sex/have always been a bit slutty, will you ever be the girl he takes home to his mother? – Will I Ever Be The One?

Answers from Our Expert and Enthusiastic Amateur:

Dear Will I Ever Be The One,

I’ve got good news and bad news for you.

The bad news is you’ll never be the one because the notion of being ‘the one’ is a trap. It’s an illusionary heap of B.S. that we’ve all been hoodwinked into believing by our culture. We should all be thanking our lucky stars that there is no such thing. Can you imagine what an insane responsibility it would be? Frankly, I’m surprised that divorce rates aren’t even higher, because the pressure is just too much.

Now on to the good news. Since most relationships today start with sex as a recreational pastime and (far too) many women allow themselves to be ceremoniously marched up to a man’s mother for her stamp of approval, you’re definitely standing in good stead. However, there are only two small problems here. First of all, any man who has to take his woman home to his mother for approval needs to cut the cord (i.e. divorce his mother). If he doesn’t there’s a really high chance that he’ll eventually end up divorcing you. Secondly as delightful as casual sex may be, it isn’t the best way to get to know a man you’d like to marry. As you know, sex changes everything and clouds our judgment. It’s hard to see the truth of who another is through the delicious veil of lustful sex.

Finally, the fact that you’re even asking this question means that you’re operating (at least in part) from a place of shame as you partake in casual sex – which is something you should take some time to reflect on before hitting the sheets with the next man you meet.

Owen Williams author of The Relationship Revolution

Dearest WIEBTO,

I also have good news and bad news.

The bad news is, if YOU think you’re ‘slutty’ then why the hell would you expect him to take you home to Mama when clearly you’re deeming yourself deficient.  Spread your legs with pride, not with shame.

The good news is you can definitely be ‘the one’ when Mama realizes that you have ‘saved’ her son and he is a better person because of you… and then you can resume letting him take you in the ass, or dressing up like a fluffy raccoon mascot until your heart’s content.

Lustful sex is not only a veil that clouds other’s judgments it’s also a tool that can be used to lure a man right where you want him.  Practice makes perfect.

Leesa Gaspari, Comedienne

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