Is Polyamory Right For You?

Posted by: Elizabeth Rose    Tags:  , , ,     Posted date:  March 21, 2010  |  5 Comments


March 21, 2010


ELIZABETH ROSE

“Adultery is the application of democracy to love” – Henry Louis Mencken

We continue Man Month here at metanotherfrog.com discussing the misconceptions about men and cheating.

  • Does he cheat because he’s unhappy?
  • Will he only cheat if she is prettier than me? Younger than me?
  • Does he cheat just because he can?

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As so often is the case, I have a take on this outside of the cultural norm. Instead of obsessing over the why or the if around cheating – why not take it out of the equation all together? Is a polyamorous relationship possible for you?

When either the male or female in a given relationship consider “cheating”, it is likely due to the fact that they feel something missing in their union. For example a man’s decision to partake in an extra marital romp while on a business trip, is most likely due to his missing your warm body to wrap himself around at a moment when he was drunk, horny and/or feeling lonely.

Is there so much betrayal in the sharing of bodily fluids that it warrants all the angst and pain that has spawned a subculture of the “wronged”? There are songs, movies, support groups – I’ll bet there is even a T-shirt.

If a true polyamorous arrangement can be discussed and implemented up front – then there is no betrayal, no hurt. Of course, there needs to be a clear understanding of why you might need something (or a lot of things) on the side, and there will definitely be bumps in the road. But if you and your mate can truly be together in a caring relationship with wider boundaries than ‘normal’, then polyamory may be a very effective way to stay together – happily.

Obviously, it is not a option for everyone. Many of you out there are committed to finding that one penis or vagina to  be with – forever. Good for you. I and many of my fellow sluts have chosen a path that does not end in a single set of genitals. While I do not state that I will never fall in love or decide to spend the rest of my life with one man – I do know that I will never want to give up the odd addition to my partner.

So – I say this, instead of worrying about why or if one or both of you might cheat, make an arrangement with your mate for a mutual ‘time out’. Say one week a year, no questions asked.

Or buy him a whore for his landmark birthdays, believe me, that would make an awesome present.


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Elizabeth Rose
Elizabeth Rose is our boarding school educated English rose by day and unabashed slut by night. She takes pride in her “work” and wishes to share her feminist rantings and lessons in bedroom etiquette with the wider world.



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5 Comments for Is Polyamory Right For You?
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Classic Ruby

Hmmmm…this is a good one. While I personally could NEVER be in a sexually intimate relationship with one person while being intimate with another (or others) I could explore the idea that my man does it…but only if we remain abstinent. The idea of me making out with my man or going down on him or having sex with him while he is doing god knows what with another woman makes me feel relatively nauseous. But I believe relationships aren’t all about sex or physical intimacy, but is sometimes based on other things, like friendship, the “we are an awesome team when it comes to tackling life”, etc. If I had a relationship with my man that was 100% fulfilling (and would continue to be so if we did not have sex) i would have no issue with him being “polyamorous” provided a few things:

1. That he is 100% open and honest about not just the fact that he is being polyamorous i.e. fucking a bunch of other women, but the who, what, where, and when as well. If he can’t be open about it, then he’s not being poly-anything, he likes cheating and sneaking around…and to me, that cannot truly be a healthy and fulfilling relationship, as it’s based more on deceit than on the facts.

2. That he is being 100% safe about what he is doing, including not having night stands with complete strangers and always making sure he’s got that love glove on. And God invented dental dams for a reason, so if he wants to engage in or receive oral sex there is a whole shitload of ways to keep it protected. As well as regular checkups.

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max

As someone who has not been monogamous since Jesus was a wee boy, I’m all about polyamory. I never understood why it’s supposed to be such a big deal if my significant other takes a quick beats on the side.

But as you said – it’s not for everyone. Most women can’t handle it and most men can’t do it in a non-tacky way.

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Peter

Little bit of double standards don’t you think. Here you are apparently saying it is OK to have multiple partners while in a committed relationship but not too long ago you were claiming all mem were bastards because Finn turned up at teh pub with some little slapper.
It does sound a bit like it is OK for you but not OK for others.

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Ken

//Or buy him a whore for his landmark birthdays, believe me, that would make an awesome present.//

This is what I keep telling the ladies in my life.

Not my mother. But, y’know. ladies.

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Elizabeth Rose

@Peter – as to Ruby’s first point, it is all about being open in the first place. Finn hurt my pride first and foremost due to the surprise element of his business. I’ve stated before now I don’t have a problem with men in my life being someone else’s man in their life too – just need to know where on the pecking order you are (do I get first dibs on weekend, freetime, sex toys etc).
And just in case you doubted I have said it before… I checked!
http://metanotherfrog.com/main-page/many-sexless-nights/

@ken – when’s your birthday?

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