March 24, 2010

ELIZABETH ROSE

So we have the answers – men cheat; and men cheat mostly because their women aren’t putting out as much if at all. Today I take my helpful cynical view on how to tell if he is cheating.

1. Terrible facial tick – stored up anxiety from all the lies he tells.
2. Very good at golf – go on be a Tiger.
3. Being super attentive – he’s not being sweet, it’s a guilty conscious.
4. Arriving home smelling of aftershave at the end of the day – unless he’s been to the gym, he’s covering up the sex smell.
5. A weird smell on him – it’s sex, you may have forgotten what it smells like, but it’s sex.
6. Working away a lot – yes he’s having an affair. Wouldn’t you be?
7. Washing his bed linens too frequently – either he’s bed wetting or he’s been fucking someone else on them.
8. Emptying his bin before it’s full – no guy is that fastidious. He’s removing the evidence of used condoms.
9. Random new girls on friends as facebook – yes, he is trying to sleep with them.
10. His facebook status is listed as “it’s complicated” – it’s not complicated, he’s a player.

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I would like to make the proviso here that if a guy has the cohones to step up and talk to me first about a wish to play away – I don’t consider it cheating. In fact, so long as I don’t feel my needs are neglected (remembering I consider my man masturbating a waste of an erection I could be playing with) then I will happily encourage this so long as he is safe and honest.

It’s the tacky, sneaky and disrespectful nature of cheating which causes the problems (and by problems I refer to tears, hysteria, and in some cases destruction of property).

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