March 28, 2010

The Question:

I hate being alone. I’ve dabbled in online dating, and also tried to get out and meet people, but currently it seems no one is interested in dating this 30-something woman. Unfortunately, at times like these I find myself thinking about my ex a lot. He and I dated on and off for over four years. Over the years we’ve been through good times and bad – sadly I have to admit that the bad far outweighed the good. Anyway, I know that any day now I’m going break down and call him, because I can’t stand the feeling of being alone. Then he and I will be on the same road to nowhere once again – hanging out with each other because it’s more comfortable than being alone and more convenient than starting from scratch with someone new. I’m hoping to avoid this, because it always ends the same – with more sadness. Any advice you can offer would be helpful. Thanks in advance for your comments – Being Alone Sucks!

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Answers from Our Expert and Enthusiastic Amateur:

Dear Being Alone Sucks,

You won’t break this pattern until you decide that going back to the Ex isn’t an option. Did you know that Ex stands for ‘experimental’? Go experiment with someone else. You’re alone because at some level (of thought or belief) you want to be alone. Have you decided that ‘there really aren’t any good men out there’ or that ‘I really don’t want to get hurt again so I’ll play it safe’? Until you explore the deepest recesses of your mind, you’ll always be in your own way.

Owen Williams author of The Relationship Revolution

Dear BAS,

Oh my God Girlfriend, I don’t even know you and I don’t want to spend time with you.  Re-read your own letter and you will be soaked with your own loathing and whining.  I mean reeeeally!  When I find myself whining and can’t figure out what the problem is, I drink a 1.5 litre bottle of white, slap a smile on my face and fake it ‘til I make it. Buck up little sister. More wine and smiles… and life will change, I promise. As for calling the ex, spare him the agony. Good luck.

Leesa Gaspari, Comedienne

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