March 28, 2010

SAM SHARPE

I’m supposed to write about the stupidity of men. Or the fact that many women believe:

1. Men are stupid.
2. Or simple.
3. Or easily manipulated.
4. Or all of the above

Now, as the man who has written the Power of Five, a manifesto which suggests that a woman can get any man to do virtually anything she wants him to do, if she shags him ‘nuff’ and often, I’m perhaps not best positioned to counter these beliefs. But I’m going to give it the old college try.

Q. Why do men name their penises?

A. Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the person who makes all their decisions.

If we did make all our decisions with our cocks, would that leave us open to manipulation? I imagine so. Given that, I would think that women would be just throwing that pussy around to ensure that the men in their lives do their bidding. You know, help around the house, do the groceries, bring you flowers, get excited about staying in to watch Grey’s Anatomy, or going out to watch crap like Valentine’s Day. Whatever.

But if I had a Jamaican dollar (roughly equivalent to 1 Canadian cent) for every time one of my female friends bitched and moaned about not getting what they wanted out of their relationships with men, I’d be writing this screed from my weekend property back a yard, not in my living room in “why the fuck did we emigrate to cold ass Toronto”. Come to think of it, the blogosphere is filled with women bitching and moaning about men not doing what they want them to do. Well, if we’re that simple and easily manipulated, why aren’t you getting what you want?

I went to the County Fair. They had one of those “Believe it or Not?” Shows. They had a man born with a penis and a brain.

I like that joke. It’s funny. I know a lot of women who think there’s a lot of truth in it. I’m not going to argue its veracity. But I do have a question for all of you out there with significant others. When your man decided he wanted to be with you, was he thinking with his penis or his brain?

But maybe we are simple. Maybe we only have dicks for brains. Or something like that. Maybe we let our dicks lead us around like stray animals foraging for food. But maybe we know that’s how you perceive us. Maybe we don’t bother trying to disabuse you of the notion because you won’t believe anything that falls outside of the set narrative you have for men anyway. Maybe guys like me write things like the Power of Five to perpetuate the thought that you guys can control us with pussy, so that we men get more pussy (Naah. I’m just a man. I couldn’t be that clever. Could I?). But maybe you guys know that. So then you don’t give up the pussy as a means to punish us and teach us the lesson that you will not be manipulated. Then we don’t get what we want. And neither do you. And all this trying to manipulate each other gets us nowhere.

There’s got to be a lesson here.

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