Do You Like That Baby?

Posted by: MetAnotherFrog Admin    Tags:  , ,     Posted date:  April 7, 2010  |  7 Comments


April 7, 2010


A Guest Post by SHANS

I’m about to give you advice, golden advice. Advice you should print out and keep on your bedside table for reference. I’m about to tell you my sexual pet peeve. Now why is this so important? You may never meet me, why do you need to know what will tick me off in bed? You need to know because I’ve chatted with my girlfriends and from what we can tell my sexual pet peeves are almost universally annoying to women.

The worst thing a man can do for his sex life is (drum roll please)…

Watch too much porn.

It’s not that I have an issue with porn; in fact I don’t mind watching occasionally, usually for a good laugh. But I do have a problem with TOO much porn.

Excessive porn watching often results in the following:

1) Constant requests for affirmation.

When a man hears Jenna Jameson telling her partner(s) how much she loves this and likes that, how much she likes his cum and how bad she wants it, he assumes that we will all be just as vocal. When we’re not quite as vocal as a porn star, when our moaning isn’t enough – when he needs that, “Ooh, like that baby,” and we don’t give it to him what happens? He asks the oh-so-annoying questions:

“Do you like that baby?”

“Want me to cum for you baby?”

Now here’s the deal, I’m no one’s baby (except my mum and if she’s reading this I may be heading off to church momentarily). I don’t like to be asked questions in bed and I have no desire to be your manliness gauge. So gents next time you’re trying to talk dirty, remember it shouldn’t feel like a quiz!

2) A desire to use foreign objects…down there.

The following are items I’ve been asked to get dirty with: a cucumber, a "cucumber anyone?"carrot and a wine bottle (which he was willing to substitute for a beer bottle if a wine bottle seemed too large). Now I’m not sure if you boys know, but there are pelvic bones to deal with there and while we may be able to squeeze a child out, our bodies generally get a fair bit of time and assistance to prepare for that. You know, the whole nine months of gestation and doctor (or two) to pull that sucker out of you. So unless you have a team of highly skilled professionals ready to help, like they do in porn, don’t ask me if you can put anything like a wine bottle inside me.

3) Making degrading requests

I will never and I mean NEVER, understand why men think it’s OK to ask if he can cum on my face. Asking me this question is a sure fire way to get me back in my clothes and out the door in 30 seconds or less. Porn stars are paid to do degrading things, if you’d like to do something potentially dangerous to my eyes that will also completely humiliate me you should probably go out and get yourself a hooker – I think she might charge extra for the face shot though.

.

So boys I’d like you to memorize this list. I’d like you to think of this list as your sneak peek into the female mind. We all have kinks, quirks and risqué behaviours that we enjoy, but to try any of the above without knowing that your partner is into it is a severe symptom of porn-itis (you like that? I just made it up).

If you’re lucky enough to have a beautiful woman in your life, a real live flesh and blood woman who enjoys getting naked and sweaty with you, I suggest you ditch the single guy porn. And if you can’t live without it go out and buy something the two of you can enjoy together.

For those of you who do know me and who have been in my bed please note that you will be receiving a laminated copy of my list for future reference.


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MetAnotherFrog Admin
Working hard behind the scenes to keep our main contributors in check, all our Guest Writers happy, and everything rolling along smoothly here at MetAnotherFrog.com.



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7 Comments for Do You Like That Baby?
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max

I don’t have a problem with any of the things on your list; but I agree that a man should get a sense of what kind of woman he’s dealing with before he drops these kinds of bombs on her.

I never thought to equate it with an over-consumption of porn though; I guess because I didn’t know there was such a thing as too much porn. I think the only time porn is a problem is when a man would rather watch it than bone a real-live woman.

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Shans

@Max You’re telling me that you have no problem asking a woman to stick a wine bottle in her cooch? And you’re one of those guys who constantly wants to be reassured that he’s oh-so-good?

There is such a thing as too much porn… it’s too much when your expectations of the real women are so high that they can’t live up.

Straight up I’ll say yes, to ALMOST everything but….

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Skye Blue

@ Shans – FYI: Max is a woman!

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Shans

@Max & @Sky So sorry Max… the name brings me back to a very foxy hockey player I like to stare at so I went straight to man. I’m sure you’re a foxy woman yourself… xx

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Jeffrey Platts

I couldn’t agree more with this post. There are actual studies now that document the effect of porn on not just a man’s ability to be successful/comfortable with women, but their general self-confidence and social skills with everyone. Not to mention it’s been noticed that increased porn use is related to decreased sexual performance. And the combination of orgasm creates big biochemical shifts in the brain. All this is coming from a strictly observational place of what are the effects, nothing to do with morality or values.

-Jeffrey

Check out these really insightful articles from Psychology Today:

Porn and Perception: Is Your Limbic Brain Distorting Your Vision?
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201004/porn-and-perception-is-your-limbic-brain-distorting-your-vision

As Porn Goes Up, Performance Goes Down?
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201003/porn-goes-performance-goes-down

Measuring Porn’s Effects: What About the Users?
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/200912/measuring-porns-effects-what-about-the-users

Unexpected Lessons from Porn Users
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/200910/unexpected-lessons-porn-users

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Alexis

ok so i enjoy your post however i do have some questions for you shan. first of all, what kind of date did you go on to have a boy ask you to put a wine bottle in your privates? it does not take a genius to figure out who is a creeper, and personally, i would never go on a second date let alone let someone get comfortable enough with me to ask to shove glass into my cooch. different strokes for different folks i guess, im not here to judge you but it sounds like you enjoyed getting asked. second of all, if a bottle of wine was not ok, why the hell would a beer bottle be any better? it almost sounds like your trying to compromise and yet you are agreeing to the same idea, just an even less classier bottle. come on, beer? really? at least with the wine you would of held some sort of class. again, im not one to judge, but beer bottles are not a better substitute to wine. honestly, i think that it wise for women to keep these kinds of comments to ourselves because it will only make you look like a slut. if that would have been me i would of been dressed and headed for the door so fast he would not of been able to apologize or try to explain, but you….you think beer bottles are the better alternative…good for you…..i guess.

overall, i have to disagree with several of the things you have said simply because you have stereotyped ALL men and from my experience as well as all my friends we dont seem to have any of the same issues as you do. perhaps its the type of people you are dating…scum. or maybe its your? slut? maybe or maybe not? who knows?

maybe a better look on yourself and your standards are required in order to eliminate your “issues”. good luck, and keep it to yourself, no one wants to know about the dirty beer bottles in your vagina ;) thanks

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Skye Blue

@ Alexis – Wow. in your diatribe about my girl Shans you mention that you’re ‘not one to judge’, but it seems that’s exactly what you came here to do. What’s more it seems like you and ‘Mel’ – who left comments similar to yours on Shans’ post on Hook-Ups (I KNOW that you two are connected if not one and the same person as the IP addresses for your comments are the same – but I digress) – came here just to ‘judge’ Shans. God knows myself and Elizabeth have a ton of posts on here that would place us firmly in the slut camp, but interestingly enough we did not incur your ‘wrath’. That said, I’d like to correct you on a few things.

1) If you had taken the time to carefully read this post and notice the overall theme and tone of the piece you would know that Shans did not agree to have either the wine bottle or the beer bottle put inside her. Also, based on her final statement in point #2 “…So unless you have a team of highly skilled professionals ready to help, like they do in porn, don’t ask me if you can put anything like a wine bottle inside me” (and because I know her personally) I can tell you that she is not into foreign objects being put inside her body at all. But again, you would know that if you had taken the time to read the post PROPERLY.

2) Re your closing statement: “maybe a better look on yourself and your standards are required in order to eliminate your “issues”. good luck, and keep it to yourself, no one wants to know about the dirty beer bottles in your vagina ;) thanks”

I’m sure that there are many people who don’t want to hear about the misadventures of so called slutty women with “issues” (I so love people like you who seem to think everybody but them has issues), but for the most part those people don’t visit this site. FYI: Sluts with issues abound here Alexis, and we don’t keep our shit to ourselves. And as far as I can tell our audience likes it that way. If you’re still unconvinced check out the link below and see for yourself…

http://metanotherfrog.com/main-page/say-it-loud-slut-and-proud/

S

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