May 2, 2010

SAM SHARPE

Ladies, as far as foreplay is concerned, do you know what men want? No? Well neither do I. I mean, I know what works for me, but I can’t say with any certainty that your man likes his balls to be played with like I do. Having said that, I do know that there are a few things that you can all do to make sure your man gets what he desires. I’m talking about the rank and file of the hetero male species. This isn’t for the outliers. I’m not talking about the significant minority of heterosexual men who would rather LARP, listen to Rush and update their fantasy football team.

In the world of communications, public relations practitioners often employ a RACE (Research, Action, Communication, Evaluation) formula when implementing a PR plan. In that spirit, I’m introducing RACER, to help you improve your foreplay technique.

Research: Do not be afraid to find out what your man wants. Ask questions. A friend of mine asked me if I thought her man would like it if she tugged on his balls? Hell if I know. Ask him. Talk to him. You know. Communicate. Don’t just listen to your girls. Don’t believe everything you read in “he’ll like it if you rub dry sand in between his ass cheeks” Cosmo. And don’t assume that because your last man liked a finger in the butt your current one is into anal play.

Action: A public relations plan is just ink on paper if it’s not put into action. Similarly, wanting to be good at foreplay isn’t sufficient. It requires application. Seriously, what’s the point of setting the mood and putting on slinky lingerie if you’re going to lie there like a cadaver. If you’re gonna dress up, you should play the part. Oh, you say your man loves a good blowjob, but you’re worried about technique. Grow a pair, woman up and give his unit some love. Practice makes perfect. Still not confident? Don’t be afraid to take a class. If you’re in Toronto, places like Good For Her and Come As You Are have workshops to suit your (and your man’s) needs.

Creativity: This one is an offshoot of the research and action components. Once you’ve completed your research it’s not a matter of simply following the letter of the law. You want to implement your new plan in an interesting way. If during your research you find out that your man likes to be dominated, inject your own personality. Spice it up. Chances are this isn’t his first time at the rodeo. You don’t want to be just another girl he met at the rodeo do you?

Enthusiasm: Whenever I go out to eat I pay careful attention to the kind of service I receive. Being competent and able isn’t enough. Is my server attentive? Are they friendly? Do they go the extra mile to ensure my satisfaction? Enthusiasm for the job separates a middling tip from a generous one. Similarly, enthusiasm during foreplay will be repaid tenfold. Trust me.

Reciprocity: I think this speaks for itself. No one likes a selfish lover. Ladies, if you’ve never kissed your man’s belly button, you’re not really trying. If you treat your man’s body the way children treat broccoli, may the sex gods curse you with a lifetime of VSD’s, quick shooters and droolers. Don’t just talk about it. Be about it.

There you have it. If you’re currently a foreplay pumpkin, my formula will turn you into a foreplay princess. If you’re already a champion, consider this a refresher course. And if all else fails, put his dick in your mouth, lick it, suck it and you’ll probably be fine.

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