May 3, 2010

SKYE BLUE

Folks, the fact is that we human beings all crave non-sexual touch. I know some of you would argue that the male half of our species is really only interested in sexual touch, but the experts would tell you that it only seems that way because they’ve been socialized to limit their engagement in intimate touch to sex. It’s a real pity that our culture limits men this way as non-sexual touch is so important for us all. Among the many benefits of non-sexual touch (for a more complete list click here) can:

1. Boost your spirits and feelings of self-esteem
2. Increase your sense of comfort and acceptance
3. Help you create strong emotional bonds with your mate.

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Boys, what I’m saying is that treating your lady to non-sexual touch is important. I mean if you only ever touch your woman in a sexual way she’s bound to start feeling like she’s just a sexual object to you. Now, I’ll admit that being desired sexually definitely has its place in a relationship, but what most every woman yearns for is a close emotional connection with her partner. And when a woman feels more emotionally connected to her partner, she’ll be more interested sex – as in more frequent and more passionate sex (do you all see where I’m going with this?). Trust me guys, touching your partner in a non-sexual way on a regular basis (as in EVERY day) is one of the easiest ways to create a deeper emotional connection with her; which in turn will get you more sex. Let that sink in for a minute…

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Thought about it and still skeptical about what I’m saying? Then let me give you an example you can sink your teeth into. I’m sure that almost every man reading this has been faced with a partner who’s told him “I’m just not in the mood” at some point in his life. Let me translate what that means for you. When your lady rebuffs your advances by stating she’s not in the mood what she’s really saying is this:

“Buddy, you need to warm me up first. Don’t just come at me all hot and bothered.  Do something to make me feel close to you. Engage my emotions. Show me that this isn’t just about you getting off.”

For those of you who need me to break it down further, I’m telling you that if  you haven’t spoken to or held your woman in a loving way at some point during the day (or the week for that matter – because I know some of you are bringing real week shit to your ladies) before you attempt to initiate sex with her she’s probably not going to be interested in ‘playing’ with you.

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‘Foreplay is everything that happens between sex.’ – Unknown

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Don’t think I can’t see you rolling your eyes and grumbling about how all that stroking and caressing is “boring and doesn’t guarantee me ass”. I’m here to tell you you’re wrong on both counts…

First of all, non-sexual touch can be highly arousing. I’m sure if you think back you can remember those heady, early days of your romance when just holding her hand was electric right? Well, you can bring that feeling back by re-introducing non-sexual touch into your relationship and even use it to enhance your love making. When having sex with your partner, caress her body with your hands to slow things down when you want to prolong the action or to maintain your connection as she comes down from the intensity of orgasm.

Secondly, you need to think of any and all non-sexual touch you give your woman – be it a back or foot rub, a hug, or simply holding her hand – as a long term investment. When you consistently touch your woman in a way that makes her feel like you want to be close to her just because you think she’s beautiful and you value her presence, she’s going to feel seen, loved, and appreciated by you. This in turn will make her feel sexy and attractive, which will put her in the right frame of mind to get horizontal with you – the man who helps to make her feel so gosh darn good about herself. A bout of hot sex may not be the end result the first night you hit her with your sweet caresses, but if you hang in and keep at it, you’ll be rewarded sooner than you think.

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Now, I know some of you dudes will need a little help regarding the ‘how’ of the whole non-sexual touch bit, so I’ve compiled a list of tips to get you started…

1. Just Lay Your Hands On Her – Drape your arm around her shoulders or put your hand of her leg when you’re sitting close together, just because.
2. Hold Her Hand – Why not reach out and grad hold of her hand the next time you’re walking down the street or sitting across from her at a restaurant.
3. Give Her Massages – Rub her feet, back, neck or shoulders to ease the tension in her muscles, decrease her anxiety and help her to relax when she’s with you.
4. Hug Her – Just wrap your arms around her and hold her for a while. If you do it right she’ll feel safe and comfortable in your arms.
5. Pat Her Tush – Gently tap her on the backside as she passes you, to let her know that you notice her and like that she’s around.
6. Get Up Close and Personal – Sit right next to her when you’re watching TV or relaxing together.  She’ll love both the closeness and your attention.
7. Stroke Her Hair – Soothe her by running your fingers through her hair when you’re lying in bed together or cuddled up next to her on the couch.
8. Kiss Her – Plant your lips on her forehead, the nape of her neck, her shoulders, collar bones, hands, etc. to communicate how precious she is to you.
9. Touch Her Face – An intimate connection is easily established when you caress her cheek and look into her eyes.

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That’s all I got. Good luck with it boys. I wish you much success with infusing non-sexual touch into your relationship and many, many more nights (and days) filled with…

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Better Sex.

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