Let’s Talk About Sex: Ladies, Speak Up in the Bedroom

Posted by: Skye Blue Tags: communication, men, relationships, sex, women Posted date: May 9, 2010 | 15 Comments

May 9, 2010

A few weeks ago I had a fascinating discussion about asking for what you want in bed with my girl Max. When I explained that I was in the habit of letting my partners know what I want in bed and then asking them to tell me what they wanted in return, she expressed shock and then said something to the effect of…

‘Conversations like that seem so clinical to me. I want my man to figure out what I want organically, so there’s some romance in it. Besides initiating a conversation like that just seems unladylike to me.’

If any of you out there are like me you’re thinking something like this…

‘Girl, pull your head out of the organically formed clouds, put away the romance novels and screw being ladylike. No amount of romance is better than a bout of really hot sex with your man because you’re both clear on what the other needs to get off.’

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… we’re so afraid to talk and ruin the atmosphere that we don’t talk and ruin the sex. – Shans

Maybe me and my crew are just weird, but we all discuss the in and outs of what we like in bed with our lovers on the regular. We view it as part of the build up to the next session, a way to create anticipation. That said, I’d be willing to bet that most women out there are more like Max – too uncomfortable with or simply put off by conversations regarding what they’d like in bed to ever initiate (or even participate) in such a discussion.

So, I’m about to make PSA on behalf of all my boys (i.e JFB, Mike Masters, The F’in Man, and a host of others) who are trying hard not to fuck their current girl exactly the same way the fucked the previous one (sound familiar Sam?). Good people, I dedicate this list to all the guys out there representin’ between the sheets, despite the weak “Let’s see what happens organically” philosophy their female partners may be bringing to the table.

Now ladies, pay attention, because you need to…

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Get a handle on what turns you on: Girls, it’s your responsibility to figure out what works for you during sex. Knowing what you need sexually increases your enjoyment of the action and his as well. So just think of having a clear understanding of what turns your crank as a gift you can give to your partner – one he’ll use to bring you pleasure over and over again. And what woman in her right mind wouldn’t want that?

Ask him what he wants in bed: Sisters, it’s real important to find out what your man wants sexually. So if he hasn’t given you the run down on his sexual desires you need to ask him. The information you get will be invaluable in your quest for better sex.

Listen To Him: Ladies, because men tend not to communicate the way we do, we often miss important things they share with us. For example, if your man has been saying things like…

“You can approach me for sex sometimes too ya know.”

“My buddy Rick from work and his girl went to another swingers’ event last week and he said they both really had a good time.”

“Last night I had a dream that you put me over your knee and spanked me.”

There’s a good chance he’s giving you a clue about what he wants sexually – especially if he makes the comments more than once. Girls, what I’m saying is that you need to listen carefully, in addition to speaking up. Now I know the idea that you should be listening for clues about your man’s sexual desires when he speaks may seem to go against my earlier statements encouraging you to communicate openly, but it really doesn’t. You see, from what I can tell dudes with ‘alternative’ or kinky taste in sex are so used to being shot down when they approach their women about what they want that they’ve been conditioned to pussyfoot around the issue they’re often loathe to broach the subject – directly. For the record, I’m not laying blame here. I’m just callin’ it as I see it and asking you all to really listen to your men for the sole purpose of helping you to improve the quality of the sex you’re giving and getting.

Be Open-Minded: Now girls, once you’ve found out what he wants you need to keep your mind open. If your man is bringing things to you that make you take pause, don’t just shut him down with a “HELL NO!” or get all judgmental about it. Instead, take some time to see if you can wrap your head around doing what he asks and then try to find out why he desires what he’s asking for. If after doing all that you’re still not okay with participating in depraved acts what he’s asking you to do, try your best to find a compromise that fulfills his craving and is also comfortable for you.

Set Clear Boundaries: Okay, as much as I’ve asked you all to be open-minded I do realize that everything ain’t for everybody, and because that’s true you need to be very clear about your sexual boundaries. Let your man know what sexual acts or proclivities are absolute no-go’s for you early in the game. That said, here’s the corollary to this point…

If your sexual boundaries/limits are so divergent from your mate’s that one or both of you are often left feeling unfulfilled after sex, it’s likely that the two of you are NOT sexually compatible – which doesn’t bode well for your relationship. As much as facing that reality may suck (hard realities often do), isn’t this something you’d rather find out during a real honest discussion early on, instead of months down the line when you’re so emotionally enmeshed parting ways is an ordeal?

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Okay people, I’m done, but before I go I’m going to reiterate my point one more time by leaving you with this…

Vocal chicks who know and clearly state what they want, and then go for theirs get better sex from their partners. Period.

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15 Comments for Let’s Talk About Sex: Ladies, Speak Up in the Bedroom

Shans

I’ve been told I, give the best head, know how to treat a man in bed, f*ck like a porn star… now why do men constantly like to inflate my ego? Not because it needs inflating. You can ask anyone, I know I’m wonderful. Men like what I do in bed because I ask questions, say what I want/need and I’m never afraid to try new things… I can tell you this right now… Skye is right! Women who ask/tell/beg have better sex. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… women who are too afraid to ask for what they want in bed are like kids who are too afraid to buy condoms at the grocery store – if you’re embarassed by sex maybe you’re just not mature enough to be having it.

@Skye you rock lady for having the courage to be honest.

xx

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