May 11, 2010

A Guest Post by LEZ LEIGH

As a former breeder het girl, I know a large part of the quest to get laid by a dude involves finding a good penis. I understand that a beautiful real live penis – one that is the perfect length, girth, firmness and shape for you – is hard to come by. Among the many awesome pluses of being a lesbian, is not having to deal with what I call DD or dick disenchantment. With us, when we choose to have a phallus in the bedroom (which happens way less frequently than many men seem to think) we don’t have to deal with any surprises. No flaccid, tiny, pencil thin, gargantuan, strangely curved, oddly shaped, saggy balled, prematurely ejaculating or knob cheese encrusted (YUCK!) junk for us. We lezzies get to select the size, shape, girth, and firmness. I love the fact that I get to pick the impeccably perfect dick – and I know you will too.

Too often I’m forced to listen to one of my hetero homies lament the fact that their long term partners or fuck buddies aren’t equipped with their version of a perfect penis. You know what I tell them? Go out and pick the most delectable dick you can find at your fave sex shop, then get your man to use it on you.

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A Quick Aside: Okay, if you lost your breath after reading the previous sentence consider the following: Any man who claims to be: open-minded; secure with his sexuality and what’s he’s packing; and completely confident that he’s putting in good work in the bedroom,  should be okay with pleasuring you with a toy (at least in my opinion). After all, how many men do you know who aren’t turned on by watching their girl having a good time? So ladies, exhale and grow some balls. Then go ask your man to give you what you need. If he balks at the idea maybe it’s time to get a new man or switch to my team? I’m just sayin’.

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Now shopping for the right member for your cooch is loads of fun! There are always new dildos and strap-ons coming out, so I suggest you visit the shop of your choice frequently to check them out. I bought my first cock in a box at North Bound Leather, in Toronto. There was something “delicious” about going down the laneway to the secret black door, stepping inside and being hit by the smell of leather. Perusing the cases filled with all kinds o’ cock, looking for the perfect match was a bit overwhelming at first, but I quickly got into the groove and found the one I wanted to be mine. I’m sure you’ll have a similar experience wherever you end up dick hunting. But before you do, read my tips for selecting the right “joystick”…

1. Be sure to consider all your choices carefully. Do you like a dick with a pronounced “mushroom head” and all the veins etched in it?  Do you want the balls to be defined or do you prefer none at all? Do you like it extra chubby or longer and leaner?
2. Take your time and look at everything. Don’t be shy, get right in there and feel those bad boys up. Stroke ‘em, squeeze their heads and rub it against your skin (on your forearm ladies!) to see if it feels right. Remember, once you take it home with you, it’s 100% yours. Unlike their real deal, rent-to-own counterparts, with strap-ons and dildos there are no returns or exchanges – so you need to make sure you leave the shop with the one you really want.
3. When buying a strap on, don’t forget to get the right harness to go along with your new toy. I myself LOVE the smell of leather and find it enhances the mood as my sexy lover works her magic on me with our new ‘family member’.  You should know that over time some harnesses will stretch and lose their shape, so it’s important to invest properly here unless you’re into replacing often.

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Once you’ve got your new magic stick don’t waste any time. Start using it right away, even if you have to do some self-pleasuring. But like I said before, ideally the cock of your dreams should be used by your partner to please you. Tell him to think of it as an extra a special treat he can give you when you are feeling extra naughty and want to play pillow-biting princess.

Finally, I need you all to remember it’s a good idea to use condoms, even with toys – especially if you’re going to play in the backdoor. Also, new lover, new toy – always.

So celebrate Better Sex month with us here at metanotherfrog.com by going out and buying yourself your own magic dick if you don’t already own one. Already have a strap-on or dildo tucked away in your collection of sex toys? Then pull it out of its hiding spot this month and start using it. Are you a strap-on or dildo aficionado like me? Then leave a comment telling us which model is your favourite and why.

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