May 19, 2010

SKYE BLUE

Okay y’all. Today I’ve got something real important to say – at least IMO (and if you really, really LOVE sex I think you’ll agree). Here it is:

The number one thing you can do to have better sex is adjust your…

ATTITUDE.

Dear readers, as far as I can tell, bad sex abounds simply because people aren’t bringing the right energy, vibe, presence of mind – in essence ATTITUDE – to the bedroom.  And it’s a damn shame because they’re all missing out as a result.

Now, I could get into the hows, the whys and the wherefores of my opinion on this, but I’m not going to do that. Instead I’m going to just go ahead and throw up some questions. Questions based on the comments I’ve read, complaints I’ve heard, and discussions I’ve had offline with my friends here in Toronto, as well as my blogging peeps. Why you ask? Well I’m hoping these questions (some of which I ask myself on the regular) will make you think, long and hard about what it is you bring between the sheets and help you improve your game – if necessary.

So, think of this list of questions as my gift to you. A gift I hope will bring you many nights of BETTER SEX – I’m talkin’ the toe-curlin’, back-archin’, mind-blowin’, back-twistin’, spine-tinglin’ and sweat inducin’ variety here folks –  the MAGICALLY F’IN DELICIOUS kind of sex we all dream of (Shit. Is it just me or is it starting to get real hot in here?).

Okay, enough of the preamble.  Let’s get right down to the nitty gritty of things with the questions…

1. Are you a starfish who just lays there expecting your partner to do all the work?
2. Are you a ‘bedroom bully’ who never gives your partner the chance to take the lead?
3. Do you take responsibility for you own orgasm and go for yours?
4. Do you recognize that what my girls, Zoe and Max, say is true – i.e. sex is a journey and that most people enjoy the climb even if they don’t make it to the summit? If so, do you savour each and every delectable moment you have the privilege of enjoying as you commune with your partner?
5. Are you aware that really good foreplay is an all day affair?
6. Have you mastered staying focused and fully present during sex to maximize your enjoyment and the pleasure you bring to your partner?
7. Is a large part of the satisfaction you derive from sex based on how ‘happy’ you make your partner?
8. Do you know what works for you (i.e. have a clear understanding of your body and how you need to be touched, kissed, stroked, etc.) in the bedroom? A good gauge of this is being able to communicate what you need/want to your partner. So, before, during or after sex are you able to give your partner clear instructions/guidance/feedback (pick the word that resonates with you) if she/he asks you what you do or don’t want in the bedroom?
9. Are you curious about your partner’s desires? Open-minded or at least open to conversations about your sex life with your bed mate? Would your partner say it’s easy to talk to you about sex (i.e. your fantasies, trying new things in the bedroom, and/or giving, getting and following up on feedback)?
10. Do you understand that a cute smile, big butt, sweet rack, monster cock, tiny waist, ripped abs or whatever you think you’re working with will only take you so far if you’re an otherwise lazy, selfish, and unskilled lover? Pretty only gets you in the door folks, so what else you bringing when you’re blessed with an opportunity to hit some skins?

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Now that you’ve run through the list, kindly leave any questions you think should be added to it below in the comments section.

S

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