Misconception – Women Who F*ck on the First Date are Slutty

Posted by: MetAnotherFrog Admin    Tags:  , , ,     Posted date:  June 1, 2010  |  11 Comments


June 1, 2010


A Guest Post by JFB

Fair warning: the following discourse is grown folk talk. The easily offended are cordially invited to go sit at the kids table, hit the back button in your browser window, or at least shut the hell up ’til I’m done.

Before I respond to the question du jour, let me make this perfectly clear: I am not pro-feminist. I’m anti-bullshit, which in my mind means requiring adults of both genders to own responsibility for their behavior, sexual and otherwise.

As I’ve already devoted at least a thousand words to the question of whether women who fuck on the first date are sluts, this time around I’ve decided to augment my theories with the use of pictures. Using the most advanced tools available I’ve compiled the following absolutely scientific data.

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Exhibit A: Are Women Who Fuck on the First Date Sluts?

"Are Women Who Have Sex on The First Date Sluts"

Diagram 1

The answer is: sometimes. Let’s do the math. Some women have sex on the first date. Some women are sluts. Technically that means some women who have sex on the first date are sluts. Choosing to act on sexual chemistry instead of postponing overpowering desire doesn’t constitute promiscuity. If you weren’t a slut before you got down and dirty the first night, you won’t wake up magically transformed into a woman of ill repute the next morning.

You have to say the things and do the things that really matter to you today without hesitation, because you don’t know if you’re going to get another chance. Sometimes, tomorrow never comes. At the same time, you have to live with the awareness that every stone thrown into a pond sends ripples across the surface, and every choice you make today reverberates into your future. If you don’t want to deal with the repercussions of your actions tomorrow, you should consider the consequences of your decisions today carefully.

So why does this antiquated notion that women who “put out” are easy, persist?

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Exhibit B: Society and The Double Standard

"Soceity and Double Standards"

Diagram 2

Most men will not pass up the opportunity for sex on the first date. Or the second. Or ever. Some people however, are judgmental assholes. If a man stigmatizes you because you are sexually attracted enough to sleep with him, or because he  is narcissistic enough to believe a woman doesn’t have the same sexual needs/desires that he has, he is a hypocrite.

The invasive nature of the sexual act means that men and women have different reactions to the aftermath. When to have sex for the first time is a tricky question. Some (but not all) of the many factors that go into this equation are: How long have you known this person? Are you looking for a serious relationship or a fling? Are you both emotionally mature enough to deal with the consequences of entering a sexual relationship? Do you feel safe, desired, respected, and will you continue to, post coitus?

This complex set of variables forms a unique fingerprint for every couple; hard, fast rules don’t apply. The best sex is based on connection, and that which is worth having is worth waiting for. If that determination can be made within hours instead of weeks, both parties should feel free to indulge, with no guilt or loss of respect. Know what you’re getting into and who you’re getting into it with, feel the flow of energy, and go with it.

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Exhibit C: Does Having Sex on the First Date Disqualify Me for a
Serious Relationship?

"Does First Date Sex Disqualify You For A Relationship"

Diagram 3

Of the healthy adults who maintain an active sex life, only a fraction manage to do this inside the boundaries of a happy monogamous relationship. If you are lucky enough to find yourself in one of these, it probably has very little to do with early intimacy and everything to do with chemistry, hard work, and commitment.

There’s a growing camp that believes that making a man wait for sex—be it ninety days or a predetermined number of dates—increases your chances of landing a mate. I would have done a venn-diagram representing these people, except it would have been a single circle with the word ‘delusional’ in the center. Grown ass folks, fuck. If you’re intent on you enforcing a coochie embargo in the (vain) hopes you’ll be taken more seriously, you’d best make peace with the reality that your prospective partner is probably indulging in adult behavior with someone else in the meantime. If you’re not fucking him, somebody else is (see exhibit A).

Waiting to ensure chemistry and allowing tension to develop naturally is a wondrous thing. It is also no guarantee the sex will be good. Few things are more disheartening than spending time and energy in a relationship with a given individual, only to discover you’re sexually incompatible after you’re emotionally invested.

This I know from experience.

Just because we don’t live in an ideal world doesn’t mean we should abandon our ideals. Sluts, judgmental assholes, hypocrites and delusional people have existed since the dawn of time, and don’t seem to be vanishing. Try not to have sex with them, and more importantly, don’t allow their view of you to color your view of yourself. After all, what is the real reason women get called sluts in the first place?

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Exhibit D:

"Why Women Are Called Sluts"

Diagram 4

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j. summers 2010


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MetAnotherFrog Admin
Working hard behind the scenes to keep our main contributors in check, all our Guest Writers happy, and everything rolling along smoothly here at MetAnotherFrog.com.



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11 Comments for Misconception – Women Who F*ck on the First Date are Slutty

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becky

So glad I took the time to stop by here today. How else would I have discovered that my tits were such a ‘liability’? ;)

Anyway, loved this post.

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Jackie

Becky, your lovely lady lumps are only a liability in the eyes (and mouths) of the undeserving. Please preserve the privilege of nibbling your naughty bits to Grown Ass Men who will appreciate instead of depricate.

JFB

Ps. Pics of said lovelies to the email address above are highly encouraged ;-)

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SomethingSheDated

” If you’re not fucking him, somebody else is ” (first date sex 1 waiting 0) :P

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Classic Ruby

LOL! Beautifully worded, couldn’t have said it better myself…and the diagrams were SO informative, and so efficiently and completely illustrated the point that I think any idiot would notice the flaw in any logic to the contrary! lol

Seriously, I myself have never had sex on the first date, and don’t see myself ever doing so, but that has nothing to do with fear or thoughts of “sluttiness”, it’s just me. But at the same time, I’ve never been ridiculous enough to put at X-amount-of-days time limit before I can have sex with a new partner. I think half the reason why people have such shitty views of themselves, and such unfulfilling sex lives, is because they choose to so fully define, overanalyze and totally take the fun and spontanaeity out of things that are meant to be enjoyable and pleasurable. Why won’t people just LIVE life to the fullest without putting so many rules on themselves SMH!

Fantastic post!

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Kelly

Ha! Totally agree with “if you’re not fucking him, someone else is”. Usually relationships form for other reasons…no need to play the silly little games.
And by the way, I love the diagrams! Thanks for the visual aids in getting this valuable point across. I hope the hypocrites are reading…

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jackie

@SSD: The last three relationships were with women who slept with me early on. Score for all parties!

@ClassicRuby: Couldn’t agree more; live fully and responsibly but LIVE people!

@ Kelly: Real relationships are like baking: you need the right mix of ingredients, heat and time. Which is why they make you preheat the oven! Less games, more genuine chemical reactions!

JFB

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Jessica Downey

I love this, especially exhibit D. Seriously, I couldn’t have said it better myself! I kind of want to print this whole thing out and put it on my refrigerator so I can use it as a reference on my next date.

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SomethingSheDated

Jackie…yeah I’ve come to learn it really doesn’t matter either way…my last relationship lasted 6 years and started with getting it on first date style…the tough part for me comes with the “dating” aspect…since I’m dating a different kind of fella I suspect some of them might be “fun enough for summer dating” but “douchey enough to judge me for summer fun” but who needs them anyway right? :P

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KB IN NYC

Jack, as per usual you have completely outdone yourself. Brilliant & astute. Oh, and I loved the diagrams.

There is such pressure, IMO, on women to be coy about sex because – god forbid – you’re perceived as being “easy” or promiscious. Thing is, I don’t like being told I can’t do something. And I don’t like “holding out” simply because I’m told that I’m “slutty” if I don’t.

“When to have sex for the first time is a tricky question. Some (but not all) of the many factors that go into this equation are: How long have you known this person? Are you looking for a serious relationship or a fling? Are you both emotionally mature enough to deal with the consequences of entering a sexual relationship? Do you feel safe, desired, respected, and will you continue to, post coitus?”

Now THOSE are the questions we should be asking ourselves and basing our choices on. And go with whatever feels right, which sometimes means you do end up in bed together and other times it doesn’t. Either way, you be the judge.

Again Jack, great post.

XKB

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jackie

@SSD: I’ve had several LTRs start with first date sex, and many multiple dates that eventually became sexual but then stopped evolving. I think that’s a big part of it; if all you want to learn about a person can be discerned by fucking them, it’s got a built-in shelf life.

@KB: As my Mom would say, listen to everyone, then do what the hell YOU want to do. And I love your idea of judging our decisions but not ourselves or each other. \

oxo
JFB

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Jerry

I’m a male and I’d like to say that I don’t believe ‘sluts’ exist. If a woman chooses to sleep with one partner or one thousand it’s her decision and has no bearing on the potential success of her relationships. It simply means she likes to have sex with multiple partners. Are we really that sexually/socially immature as a society to judge others based on their sexual choices? I will say emphatically, I have never known or met a slut nor have I ever in my life used the words whore or slut to describe any woman. There is strong evidence that the belief systems which dictate monogamy and strict sexual behaviors are actually destructive to relationships. States with the highest percentage of residents who identify themselves as leading a faith based life actually have the highest divorce rates and the highest teen pregnancy rates. So, when faith based cultural behaviors dictate one man, one woman for life, counter intuitively it actually weakens relationships. (Christian Science Monitor http://tiny.cc/y2ba0) I have slept with a number of women on the first date and had wonderful long term relationships with them and I’m still friends with nearly all of them. I slept with my wife of fifteen years on the second date. Here it is fifteen years later and we still hold hands in public and I refer to her as my best friend. Sleep with the adult of your choice, love anyone you want but always be responsible, be safe and always be respectful. And please, PLEASE believe as you choose but stop judging others based on your own beliefs.

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