June 2, 2010
Exhibit A. (Slut Love)
If having sex on the first (or second) date makes a woman a slut, I guess that means I love sluts. And I don’t mean that in the “I love when a girl gives it up too easy, so I’ll just sleep with her and never consider dating her because why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” way. I mean it in the “only women I’ve ever been in love with (gasp! Sam Sharpe has been in love!) are women I’ve slept with shortly after meeting them or very early in our relationship” way. Very early. I’m talking about “she just broke up with her man and is going down on me in the bed they used to share” early.
And when I say love, I’m talking about bringing her home to meet my mother, taking a vacation together, thinking about honeymoons, choosing baby names, and devastating break ups.
Exhibit B. (A little dating philosophy)
It shouldn’t matter whether you save it or you don’t. It is your body. Do with it what you like. If it’s your first date and you’re both feeling the feeling, that’s fine. If not, that’s cool too. But I’ll never understand why some ladies still think that men will take them less seriously if you f*** too soon. Actually, that’s not true. I understand it, but I recognize it for the bullshit that it is. Ladies, you have just as much agency, just as much (if not more) currency in this mating/dating game as we men do. Don’t give away your personal power. When you buy into this line of thinking you are surrendering that power.
Look, if a man loses respect for you after you’ve “given it up too soon”, then he didn’t really respect you in the first place. When men (or women) say these kinds of things or accept these ideas, they are really claiming the last vestiges of some bullshit societal construct whereby someone else controls your body and your sexuality. And to my mind this demeans you all. And I’m not sure why women worry about what these types of men think. ‘Cause really, if a man truly believes you are his equal, then he should lose as much respect for himself for whipping it out too soon. No?
Addendum 1 to Exhibit B. (Or what you should know in the event you’re on a date with me)
I don’t have these kind of dating hang ups. As long as the chemistry and the mood is right, we can definitely f***. On the first date. I might even respect you more. Seriously people. It’s a date. We’ve already decided that we like each other (at least a little bit). If something more happens, it happens. What’s the big deal?
Addendum 2 to Exhibit B. (Conversations men don’t have)
MAN 1: “Dude, what happened to Sarah?”
MAN 2: “I dunno man. I let her blow me on the first date and I even let her talk me into doing it doggy-style. She hasn’t called me back. Maybe she doesn’t respect me?”
Exhibit C. (The Anecdote)
Sonja and I had tea on our first rendezvous. We talked for a couple of hours and then went our separate ways. Two weeks later, we had our first real “date”. I met her at Osgoode Station. Sonja was wearing a pair of fitted designer jeans and a fitted blouse that clung to her body in all the ways I wanted to and had me asking questions like:
Look at those thighs. I wonder if she used to run track?
Why don’t more women dress like this?
Have I ever seen an ass as gorgeous as this one?
Can she tell I’m undressing her with my eyes?
I wonder if she likes how I look?
Our trip to an art gallery was followed by dinner that was then followed by drinks. Several gin and tonics (her) and Glenlivets (me) later, we were in my bed. I put my tongue in all the places that her outfit suggested would be worth a visit. She returned the favour. We spent the balance of the night doing the sort of things that would make my God-fearing mother reach for her bible and pray for my salvation.
Sonja and I ended up dating for a while, but decided to end the relationship when we realized we had different priorities. It was an amicable split. For that (and the great sex) I’m forever thankful.
I once asked Sonja if she ever worried that I would think less of her because she gave it up so easy. She looked at me as if I had three heads and replied, “Why? Would you?”