Super Cocks and Biological Clocks

Posted by: Sam Sharpe    Tags:  , , , , ,     Posted date:  June 13, 2010  |  5 Comments


June 13, 2010


SAM SHARPE

I have no idea whether or not all women want to get married. Nor do I have any clue whether or not all women want to have children. What I do know is that all the women that I’ve dated/de-robed since entering adulthood have been keen on getting on one of those gravy trains. And more often than not, they want to do one or both of those things with me.

Now before you start thinking that I must be one hell of a catch (though I am) or that I must be really full of myself (actually I’m not) or that the women I meet are delusional (don’t think so — at least not more than the average woman) let me submit that I believe the reason for all this is pretty simple:

Getting married and having children is what our species does.

Hundreds of thousands of years of human pair bonding and reproduction (intentional or otherwise) cannot be ignored. Or fought. Or right. Or wrong. It just is. Men are programmed to sow their oats AND bring forth a bounty in a due season. Most of us anyway. (Many) Women have a biological clock that begins to pound relentlessly beginning sometime around ah, err… puberty. We often try to do these things together. In tandem. As a pair. As husband and wife.

This doesn’t totally explain why virtually every woman I’ve dated and known (in that biblical sense) since my testicles dropped has called me daddy, wanted me to be their baby daddy and wanted to get hitched. My girl Skye likes to tell me that I must be working with some kind of “super cock” that makes these girls lose all sense of perspective. Though I’m a big believer in the ability of good sex/p**** to paper over the cracks in a bad relationship and to turn a good one into an exceptional one and as much as I’d love to believe my cock has medicinal, healing and mystical properties, this can’t be the reason. Or even true.

Frankly, I think it’s all because I’m a nice guy. Seriously. For women who grew up dating bad boys, they date me and realize that not all nice guys are pussies. (Plus, I blow their backs out.) And for women who always date nice guys, I’m just dangerous enough for them to feel like they are taking a little sojourn on the wild side. (Plus, I blow their backs out.)  Combine that with the fact that I’m a genuinely caring person, that I love my momma, I "woman proposing"read books, love to travel, use words like sojourn and treat all women — side tings, bona fides and one offs — with respect, makes me appear to be some kind of dream man. (But I’m not.)

So as a result, women who should know better are wondering out loud if we should have kids, getting down on one knee, whipping out their grand mama’s ring, ignoring the fact that they’re engaged to someone else and asking me to tie the knot, while pretending not to hear the phone when their significant other calls.

Here’s the thing though. With many of these women I’ve had similar feelings. I was once mad over a woman who was married. Did her status stop me from imagining a life with her, complete with smart-ass kids and a big backyard? No, but I did recognize my feelings were irrational. By definition they almost had to be. After all they were feelings.

I know I’ve strayed a little off topic, but I think it’s relevant. We humans do irrational things all the time. Some more so than others. Some of these things appear to be hard wired into our psyches, appear to have some relation to the essence of what it is to be a human being. We do, say and think crazy things when the curious alchemy of love, lust, sex and passion descends upon us.

So, do all women want to get married and have babies? Hell if I know. What I do know is that the urge to pair up and reproduce is common to us all. I think men and women just express those things differently.


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Sam Sharpe
Lover of fine liquor, music and women...not necessarily in that order.



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5 Comments for Super Cocks and Biological Clocks
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Zoë

Great post. Of course, now I’m curious and curiouser about that wonderful endowment of yours (I mean your personality, of course).

As an answer: This chica is not interested in kids, never really has been, but the idea of marriage warms her heart. :) A lifetime with a best friend? Yes, please! That said, it hasn’t happened yet and I fully recognize the possibility it may not. I’m cool with that, and that’s why I have a healthy amount of frequent flyer miles.

My flip side to this discussion is that a lot of men I’ve dated are not so sure what they believe. Ask them if THEY want to get married or have kids, and they’ll ho-hum around the topic. Ask a guy if he’s fudged the truth about wanting kids on his online dating profile and you’ll be surprised how many “2 kids please” guys ACTUALLY meant “Uh, I’m not so sure about kids but I think most women want kids and I don’t want to be eliminated from their search results so yeah, I’ll just click this button.”

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max

It surprises me not at all that all the women you encounter want to lock you down Sam Sharpe. You’re so the man women fantasize about but think they will never meet.
Can we really blame a gal for wanting you all to herself?

Too bad you’re not real though :-P

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Sam Sharpe

@ Zoe,

I went through a period where I was pretty adamant that I didn’t want children, until I dated a woman who felt exactly the same way…and that contributed to us breaking up….She was really adamant, me less so. It was then that I realized it wasn’t that I didn’t EVER want children, it’s just that they weren’t a must in my life, but I still wanted the option. So though it might be kinda lame to put “2 kids please” down on your profile, I totally understand the logic–why disqualify yourself prematurely?

@ max

you kill me with this “not real” stuff. I guess I’ll settle for being your imaginary friend.

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SomethingSheDated

My Personal Anecdote: Well I spent the majority of my life (puberty to 24ish) wanting absolutely nothing to do with marriage or babies. Then I met Mega Love. And it kinda became a possibility. Then he told me he thought I’d make an amazing mom. well fuck. he had me at amazing. we were going to get married. have little milk-chocolate babies. But then well…it ended. And after all the tears etc. and with a clear head…I couldn’t be more thankful that it did. I may have been okay to marry him and have those milk chocolate babies but since the relationship is done…so is that desire. (the irony is that my parents have been happily married for like 37 years give or take…and would make AMAZING grandparents). Sure a best friend forever would be great. But honestly. I think. I might. Get bored. Who knows. Maybe I’ll find someone who changes my mind. But it couldn’t be less of a mandate.

Note about weddings and chicks: I won’t lie. It’s a bit of a status symbol. It’s something to brag about at your highschool (where you were an ugly duckling) reunion. It’s a safety blanket on a night out with the ladies. It’s a safety blanket all the time. It’s so that you won’t die alone. But ya know what someone told me once, when I said the only reason I still consider marriage is because when we’re 50 and all my friends are married I’ll be the odd man out. She said, who says they’ll all still be together. noted.

Note about reproduction: Babies are cute. They don’t talk back. They’re cuddly. They make you feel special and loved (if only by them lol). Um…they’re fucking minature…as if that’s not enough to make them amazing eh? But next time you meet a baby crazy chick. Paint her a picture of life when they’re 2 and 4 and she jumps at the chance to go grocery shopping if only because it’s a brief moment of solitude. Paint the picture of arrogant asshole hormonal teens who hate you just because. How are you going to pay for summer camp and braces and acne cream and special education because Timmy doesn’t learn the same way everyone else does. And I’m just sayin’ Babies are awesome. Chicks get caught up in babies. I get caught up in babies. But kids, fuck no way.

PS…I can be found at the adults only pool and if you’ll kindly keep your fucking minions from splashing me and my book it’d be much appreciated. Oh waiter, yes certainly I would like that massively over priced beverage. Because I can.

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Man-shopper

OF COURSE women want to lock you down, Sam, if you drop words like “sojourn!”

And I don’t know about marriage and babies. All I know is that at some point, I’ll have to resort to drastic measures to make my mother shut up about them.

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