June 15, 2010

ELIZABETH ROSE

“I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night.” – Marie Corelli

This week we are debunking the myth that all women want marriage and babies. I don’t agree with statements that make such sweeping generalisations, but here’s a confession: I do.

I, Elizabeth Rose, self proclaimed slut of the first and finest order would some day like to get married and have babies. I want a husband and children. I daydream of a nice house in a happy chaos of books, pets and artwork. I picture a brood of my curly haired miniatures dashing in from the garden in their jelly shoes and my beloved looking up from the crossword to scold “No running in the house!”.

I even have my wedding planned. I hope to elope to Vegas where the service will be performed by a JP dressed as Elvis, before holding my reception at a karaoke bar.

And I’m broody. I can’t see a pair of baby shoes without spontaneously ovulating.  But, and this is a huge BUT:

I don’t want to marry you.

I don’t want to have your babies.

I did not agree to sleep with you as part of some master plan to trap you into getting your last name.

The presumption that I am trying to entice you into more than a passing flirtation or a momentary distraction is almost insulting. If I thought you were my equal and the potential source for half my spawns’ genetics; then you would be intelligent enough to know I am not into playing games.

Maybe there are women out there who would try to ensnare a mate through falsehoods and trickery, likely there are men like that as well. But let’s not assume all our current bedfellows are from the lower end of the integrity scale. Be honest with yourself about what you want from a connection and communicate it to the other parties. If it evolves, then have that conversation too.

And just remember, just because I can’t hide my yearning when I hold a friend’s baby it doesn’t mean that I will be looking for your swimmers to make that final charge.

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