June 17, 2010

A Guest Post by KB

ALL women want to get married and have babies? I’m not so sure.

I think there was a time where maybe that did hold true. Not necessarily because women wanted to get married and have babies per se, but because that was what society expected; nay even demanded. Plain and simple. Indeed, for a woman to veer from that path she was considered a ‘transgressor’.

My grandmother is an interesting case in point. Married during the Second World War, to my grandfather – a man she had gone on a handful of dates with before he left for the war effort – she had three children. Because that was what you did in the 1940′s, right?

By the time she was in her late thirties she had started a career in broadcasting, and became a minor celebrity of sorts. She loved the work and the glamour and had an affair with a much younger man.

The thing is motherhood just never sat well with my grandmother. And she certainly wasn’t very good at it. Born fifty years later, I’d venture to say that she would have chosen a very different path. One that probably would’ve involved a career, a lot more men and if a child did come, it would’ve been an afterthought. Or something she did when she was much older.

Now, I tell you all of this because I think (some) men do still believe that the only thing a woman wants is to put a ring on it and have babies. Because that’s how we’re programmed, or somethin’. For the record I’d like to state that, just because we’re girls does not mean that we automatically dream of wearing big white pouffy dresses and hearing the pitter patter of tiny feet.

Just like all men are not commitment-phobic cheats, not all women embrace the idea of motherhood and marriage. In fact, the thought scares many of us just as much as it does a man.

I have never liked babies, and when I was younger I was very put off by the sight of pregnant women. I’m still very ambivalent about the whole baby thing and am more open to the idea of adopting a child, than I am to having one of my own (I still find the thought of child birth rather disconcerting).

I have a lot of friends, fantastic women in their early thirties all of whom are convinced that motherhood is not for them. I also have a couple of friends who have had a kid with their partner but they are not in the slightest bit interested in getting married. “Why would I go and do that for?” my good friend Sash asked me.

The playing field has shifted so dramatically in the last forty odd years or so, and women today have so many choices. That’s not to say that motherhood and marriage are not great choices, but they are not the only ones. We hear stories all the time about women juggling successful careers with marriage and motherhood, and having it all (or at least trying to).

But the idea that ALL women want to get married and have babies? That’s a load of baloney. And, it also presupposes that it is not something men want. Which is bullshit, because I know a lot of men who want nothing more than to settle down and have a family.

I’m not opposed to marriage (my quest for an American husband has been well documented), and it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to have children. But it’s not something that I lie awake dreaming about. I would venture to say that this is true for a lot of women. We want career success, financial independence and when it’s right, maybe a family. More than anything, we like the freedom our choices afford us.

All that being said, it’s probably best NEVER to assume anything especially when it comes to what men and women want in dating, love and life.

KB is the author of the searingly honest and the (sometimes) saucy blog, KB IN NYC. She is the quintessential single girl, and has been around the proverbial dating block more times than she cares to remember. She believes fiercely in the power of red nails, has a penchant for five-star hotels and hasn’t given up, just yet, on finding Mr. Right. KB lives in New York .

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