June 23, 2010

A Guest Post by SHANS

I’ve been trying to write this piece for a couple of weeks now. I’ve asked friends, family, andthe man-friend. I’ve consulted Jane Austen, Margaret Mitchell…even Dan Savage and what I’ve come up with is this…
.

Women ARE emotional.
.

But guess what? Being emotional is NOT the terrible thing it is made out to be. The problem isn’t that woman are too emotional, it’s that people associate having emotions with weakness. However, emotions are not a sign of weakness; in fact they are completely the opposite they make us stronger. Imagine for a second what it’s like to be a guy, what it’s like to have to hide your emotions because if your dudes saw you crying they’d assume you were less of a man. Unless of course you were all crying after a big game…that kind of crying is cool.

There is something special about the relationship between two women. It’s a sisterhood that no man can ever really understand. We know each others secrets, we cry together, we laugh together and we love together – all without fear of retribution. Sometimes I even wonder if men are jealous of our bonds, of our connections. I wonder if they ever think about what it would be like to live without fearing their emotions.

Before you get excited by my Spice Girl-esque girl power schpeal keep reading; there is another side to this coin. While I’m happy to say that as a woman I can feel freely, that most people will just accept it as part of my innate femininity; I am also frustrated by my inability to separate myself from those very same emotions. Girls you know what I’m talking about. When the man-friend says something we don’t like, we tend to try and read more into the words that he is saying than is actually there. We search for emotions behind the words, even if it isn’t there. Usually he is saying exactly what he’s thinking and we spend so much time trying to decode words that don’t need decoding that we end up fighting over nothing.

Recently I found myself doing exactly that – putting meaning into words that were so very clear and honest that I assumed they had to have some big and deeply hidden emotion behind them. I ran through past relationships, books and Sex & The City quotes in my head, thinking, “He’s just not that into you” in a situation where I had no right to be thinking anything aside from, “Isn’t it awesome that there’s a dude in my life who wants to be totally straight with me.” I let my emotions and my history take over and I made him feel guilty for being honest with me. Right move? No. Chick move? I’m ashamed to say…yes.

But how do you find a middle ground? How do you embrace your emotions without assuming every sentence uttered by his pouty just shy of perfect lips is fraught with the same kind of emotion we throw behind our own words? You can try to…

Remember that not everything has a double meaning.

Remember that he is capable of the same kind of intense mind shattering feelings that you are.

Remember that when he’s feeling something he’ll tell you (and trust me you won’t have to decode a word).

Remember that unless you have a very CLEAR and REAL reason to believe otherwise, you should 1) ALWAYS assume that your man-friend is being straight with you, and 2) AVOID geting mad about things that were unsaid – because if he’s not saying it, you’re probably the only one thinking it.

.

And ladies, the next time you feel something intense, wonderful, sad, terrible or lovely – just go with it. The boys aren’t watching and even if they are, they’ll likely chalk it all up to your girlishness. Too bad for them they don’t know how awesome it is to be a girl.

Share This

---

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
•