June 28, 2010

A Guest Post by MIKE MASTERS

Hi. I’m Mike from the relationship website MiketheMasterDater.com. Recently Skye asked me to write about female double standards in relationships. As I understand it, this particular topic was not one that other guy bloggers were very excited to take off her hands. Why? Because you women are scary!! See proof here.

I spend a lot of my time on my site talking to women about what men think and why they do what they do. I don’t really hold much back, however when I turn my attention to why women do what they do I don’t get the best feedback. Usually, I get a pile of hate mail that involves plying my genitals to a cheese grater.

Before you think of other ways to mutilate my loved ones please understand that I love women, I love hanging out with women and I love talking to women. That’s why I feel I can get away with giving you all a little bit of hell once in a while. So I would like to be honest – really, really honest about the things that drive many men to chronic masturbation rather than asking you out.

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Pay attention to me!!! But not too much

God, he brings me flowers every fricken day! – The poor guy probably hand picked them from his grandmother’s garden and your response was to vomit a little in the vase.

God I hate guys like him! – Unfortunately your vagina had a totally different agenda and that nice guy you like just spotted your car parked in front of the asshole’s place at three in the morning.

I fucking hate men that play games. – This is yelled through your locked front door because he’s 10 minutes late. Then you find out it was because he was buying you ice cream.

All men are cheaters. – Come on… you only notice it because it’s not YOU doing it. I used to be the guy that women cheated with. I know the score. Please stop dropping this entirely in the guy’s lap.

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You have to look great but don’t you dare judge me

Eww, he is fat and bald! – The last time I heard this line was from a 250 pound woman who was talking about her blind date. WTF? Seriously?

Why do you always wear shirts like that? – Huge EYE ROLL. If you didn’t have friends to impress would this really be an issue?

Are you fucking looking at my tits?? – Your boob job is screaming against your bra and your camel toe looks more like a moose knuckle. What? You didn’t think he would stare?

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90% of good sex is reliant on the man, why should I help out?

How big was he?? – And you wonder why men are so obsessed with size. If more men knew this is the first question your girlfriends ask they would super glue an extension on.

OMG he couldn’t even get it up! – Lets not mention that the two of you killed a bottle of tequila or the tumble weeds that were blowing out of your vagina.

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You got it, I want it, but I will never admit it except to my girlfriends

OMG you met a doctor?? He sucks in bed? I think I like him! – This is a totally acceptable situation, one where you have to be wary that none of your girlfriends is going to try to take him.

He asked you to pay for something!!? – Cue angry girlfriend: “If he really liked you he would have bought that plane ticket!” Ironically, this girl’s guy is so broke he recycles condoms.

What kind of car does he drive? – Your date the 35k a year millionaire shows up in his newly leased Lexus, and we wonder why the economy sucks??

.

Hopefully as you read that you giggled a bit, because you realized (yet again) that both sexes are fucked. Even so, at bottom we really all just want to find someone that loves us and accepts us for who we are.

Personally all I want in a woman is simple. She would have to: be a lawyer, have huge tits and a body like Angelina Jolie’s, cater to my every whim, and last but not least, be really, really, REALLY enthusiastic about the idea of me sleeping with her friends.

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