June 29, 2010

A Guest Post by SHANS

Gents I have a secret to share with you. Although it appears that Mike Masters has already shared the secret, I’m going to confirm it from a female perspective.

THERE ARE DOUBLE STANDARDS IN THE DATING WORLD.

Pardon the caps but I thought that needed shouting. Why did I insist on shouting at your poor computer screens? Because lovelies, I have a real issue with men crying about the double standards set upon them in the dating world when we face double standards umm… everywhere.

Now don’t get me wrong – I am neither a feminist nor am I the kind of lady who burns her bras (they’re expensive and pretty plus they make my girls look incredible) and shouts about being held down in a man’s world. But I do work in the world of advertising and I am very familiar with the concept of working in a ‘boy’s club,’ the kind of place where if you don’t drink with the boys and play along with the joking and joshing around you are far less likely to be successful.

So I ask you boys… Why in a world that is in every sense yours do you hesitate to play the game?

Do we want you to pay attention to us? Absofreakinglutely! If you pay too much attention will it freak us out? Probably. We’ve spent so much time playing in that boy’s club that some of us have developed a very masculine attitude to dating. In dating as in business attention is lovely. Too much attention reeks of desperation. We are not the female caricatures found in chick flicks, we are real flesh and blood women and if you serenade us in a public place, that isn’t a karaoke bar, odds are we will find it and you slightly embarrassing.

Men so often forget that the days of promposals are over, that we’re not 16 year old girls any more and that pulling a stunt out of a movie doesn’t come off as sweet but cheesy and fake.

Do I want my manfriend to bring me ice cream? Yes, if he’s smart and knows that bringing me Toasted Marshmallow ice cream from Greg’s will turn me into putty in his hands. Is it cool that he’s showing up late with ice cream? Not unless he texted to let me know he’s running late. Because guess what?! We all have bloody phones. Don’t make me wait and I won’t get mad at you.

Do we think all men cheat? I don’t think so. But this is where I may differ from the average woman. I cannot judge a man for his sexual past or future because mine is so very sordid as my froggy friends know. I’ve played the field, the arena and the stadium… and I’m OK with that. So if I want to cheat on a man who I’ve agreed to be faithful to that is the first sign for me to… RUN. I don’t cheat on people I love PERIOD. So if I want to cheat, the relationship is over. I hold men to the same standard, if he cheats, he cheats. But it isn’t because he’s a dog and it’s not because he never loved me. It’s because all good things must end and neither of us had the courage to call it quits when we should have.

On the subject of looks I ask, boys would you date a woman you weren’t attracted to? I’m pretty sure the answer is a resounding NO! So why in the hell do you expect us to put up with things we don’t like? I’ve always believed that you shouldn’t try to change your man, so if he’s always dressed like a tool in “dress” shirts emblazoned with dragons and jeans that his mama bought him ten years ago then give up ladies, because unless you have Stacey and Clinton on speed dial his look is here to stay. But if he’s always dressed like that then who the hell are you to try and change him? Oh, I hear you screaming ladies – BUT just because six months have passed does not mean you have a newly found license to upgrade your man. Men are not houses… you can’t buy a fixer upper and hope and pray that he turns out like your dream man.

Now boys… do I like it when you stare at my chest like it’s the last five minutes of the Stanley Cup final? Sometimes, I’m not going to lie. If I’m rocking a low cut dress or a deep v-neck I’m probably expecting you to enjoy the scenery a little… and the woman who says otherwise is lying. But here is where the real double standard lies. If you’re unattractive or sketchy looking, I don’t want you staring. In fact when I walk past quickly with my eyes on the bar or the ground, take it as a sign that you are not the man I dressed up for – and if you look at me like a piece of meat I will probably give you cut-eye.

But what is most interesting in the male/female dichotomy is the sex. It is always the sex. And do you know why this is? Because no matter how many times we try to redefine the term slut, no matter how many times we insist that we are liberated ladies who can have sex when and with whom we like without fear of judgement, no matter how many times we claim that the likes of Sex & The City and Cosmo have given us a free pass to have dirty, wild, crazy sex and enjoy it… we’re just girls trying to break into the boy’s club. We still have to put up with judgement from men, and worse still other women. Guys will still go home and talk about the crazy slut* who rocked his world, who he could never take home to meet his mother.

So double standards suck boys and when they disappear completely won’t the world be a wonderful place? But until I can:

• walk into a boardroom and not be sent on a coffee errand;
• until you acknowledge that showing up late is just plain rude;
• and until my own personal definition of slut is adopted by Webster

.

there will ALWAYS be double standards in the dating world. So guess what!? Suck it up. Or better yet walk a day in my heels and then we’ll talk.

*Slut: Contrary to popular belief a slut is not a whore, she is a wild woman who dares to enjoy sex, who is fierce and strong and doesn’t shy away from a BJ. A woman who will never ever sleep with a man to feel better about herself but will sleep with whomever she likes whenever she likes because sex is a damn good time.

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