July 6, 2010
A Guest Post by JAMI
Yesterday, in Part 1 I wrapped things up by suggesting that you have your man insert his dang-doodle in your pooper and then hold it real still until your body relaxes, before going full steam ahead for some hot anal action. Today, I’m going to pick up where we left off and suggest that you take a long hard look at what’s going on in your head before you start the ass-nastics…
3. Check Your Attitude
The two biggest questions you need to ask yourself, Vanilla Girl, are:
- Do I really want to do this?
- What are my hangups?
My first time having butt secks was not so much against my wishes, but it wasn’t something I was planning. I was eighteen or nineteen and dating an older man (because that’s just what you DO when you’re a stupid teenager living out of your mother’s house) and he was pressuring me to do it, although I didn’t really think I was ready. So, rather than wait until I was ready, he just STUCK IT IN THERE while we were having sex one night.
Lawd have mercy, I’ve had a child. At home, on purpose, without pain medication, naturally. I feel like I have a really high threshold for pain but when that happened, I felt like my body was turning itself inside out, black-hole style. I was sore for days. Even pooping was difficult and I would sit on the toilet for the next week in a cold sweat and nearly crying just to make it happen.
I hated that guy. Naturally, I broke up with him shortly thereafter. Even stupid teenager Jami had to draw the line somewhere and unexpected company in my bootay was where the line was back then.
In a healthy sexual relationship, you talk about things you want to try and it’s an open forum for discussion. If he’s expressed interest in going there, and you’re open to try it, then hold hands and walk down that path together. If you’re totally grossed out by the idea, go back and read my first tip. If you’re unsure of how it works, see the second tip. Open your mind and your heart up to the possibility of lovin’ in the tushy.
Duh Lesson: Is your boyfriend pressuring you to do it? Do you feel like he’s manipulating you? Have the words, “If you loved me…” come up in conversation? If so, move on. You don’t need to be with a man who wants to perform any sort of sex act on you for his own pleasure in spite of your discomfort.
Check Your Head Tip: Only do what you’re comfortable doing and RELAX. I swear to God, if you’re up on all fours, perched on your toes and claws, your sphincter is going to be as hard to get into as a child proof medicine bottle. Focus on relaxing your whole body, tip to toe and if it hurts, say so. Have him pull out and continue playing with you. Or if you need him to, tell him to stop altogether. Need more lube? Speak up. It’s your ass on your terms, honey.
4. Positions That Work
I don’t want you to read this article and get all clammy and weird like we’ve been transported back to junior high school with those horrible sex education videos. Sex is fun! Butt secks does require a bit more education than vaginal sex, but once you get the basics down, it’ll become second nature. Like riding a bike, only… the bike is his dick and, in the beginning, you’re probably going to be getting ridden more than you’re riding – but whatever. You get the analogy.
So, let’s take the education out of this position and talk about the fun stuff! RECESS!
Positions, just like anything else, will be something you have to explore and figure out for yourself, but to start out, you want to find a position where you can hold yourself still and totally relax your body. For me, I prefer on my stomach with my knees pulled up and together, almost like the child’s pose on yoga. Kink it up a bit by putting your arms to your side and having your partner hold your arms and use them for leverage. In this position, I find that things are um, easy to find… And you know, sort of on display and my entire body can relax and sink into the bed.
In my experience, this is the easiest position to get things calibrated. Once you have created space for play, you can switch up the positions to your heart’s content. If your partner is nicely endowed, you can lay down in a sweet and romantic spooning position and let him enter you from behind. If you’re feeling adventurous, flip on your back and throw your legs up over his shoulders. Get crazy with it – be creative and be willing to try lots of different positions.
Duh Lesson: If it hurts, stop. The only time I ever experience a very subtle bit of pain is upon insertion, and that’s only when we haven’t used enough lube. When it happens, just relube and try again. Your partner must be someone you respect because really, he’s going to determine how fast, hard and painful it’s going to be or how slow, gentle and pleasurable it’s going to be. If you don’t trust your partner, it’s not going to work. When you’re in full-on fucking mode, if something hurts, stop. Just say, “STOP!” Shit, if you’ve got a damn Charlie Horse in your thigh, stop. Who can properly orgasm with a leg cramp??
I know I didn’t talk about toys. And I didn’t talk about anal douching (I don’t – never have). I think I’ve covered the basics and it’s up to you to explore the rest with your lover. I also didn’t talk about why I love butt secks, but I suppose that’s a secret that’s especially guarded for the proud few who get to go there with me, right?