July 25, 2010

ELIZABETH ROSE

Partaking in pain as pleasure is a personal choice. I like a spanking to frame my orgasm with a short, sharp slap. Others may like something a little more intense and indulge in nipple clamps, beatings, gimp suits and the like. These folks may need a safe word – a word or phrase unlikely to be used in normal sexual conversation that signals a true end to the event. Choosing to use phrases like the obligatory “Oh stop, no, no, that hurts” are unlikely to work, as they are often said during bedroom romps, even when you may not really want your partner to stop.

Being the helpful sort, I have come up with some suggestions for suitable safe words you can use the next time you dabble (I know – I just spoil you)…

1. Maggie Thatcher on a cold day – one to yell at the top of your voice, repeatedly.
2. Hosepipe Ban – something seasonal for the South of England.
3. This is a passenger announcement – nothing more annoying than a travel interruption.
4. The British are coming – yes, we are.
5. Autofrettage – a word that means boring metal tubes; but sounds kind of dirty.
6. Geronimo – the old ones are the best!
7. Gerbils! – urban myth or Richard Gere’s hobby… it can be yours too.
8. Cowabunga – Bart Simpson or Nick Hornby, both worthy to quote.
9. Crouch. Touch. Pause. Engage. – for the rugby fans.
10. Yellow Card – for the sports fans.
11. Your Mum – take the wind out of anyone’s seductive sails.
12. Alright treacle! – in faux cockney accent.
13. Respect my authority – if it works for Cartman…
14. I ain’t getting on no plane – if they can remake the A-Team, I can steal the catchphrases for my sex life.

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