August 2, 2010

A Guest Post by ALEX

My Best Date Ever.

My best date was with a gal named “Michelle.” Michelle and I met off that wonderful site, Myspace. Man, in retrospect that site got me truck loads of dates and bedroom theatrics. Thanks Tom Anderson, I almost miss you and your “space.”  Anyway, Michelle and I had an instant connection; even our first messages were magnetic. I could tolerate her kicking of puppies and she could appreciate my threats of uppercuts to her “labe.” I knew this date was going to be fun.

I met Michelle, close to her work, at a nearby shopping mall with lots of great drinking and eating spots. However, I couldn’t quite eat when I met up with her. I explained to my date that there were a couple of logistical problems that I had. First, I had a birthday present to buy for a birthday party happening later that night. Now, Michelle knew about this birthday party. She was cool with it and we agreed on dinner and drinks for our date anyway, no late night foolin’ around, as she so nicely put it.

Michelle was so awesome about everything. She was asking me questions about the birthday girl, what she liked and what she was like. We ended up settling on some tickets to the Improv and a kitschy lamp from a seemingly out of place antique shop as gifts for my friend. Awesome!

We ventured to the other side of the shopping center to an otherwise non-exciting restaurant and had dinner. Our conversation was non-stop, as we traded personal barbs back and forth and exchanging hellish dating stories, where we grew up and more. It didn’t take long for us to wolf down our food and head on to our next destination for drinks.

I wasn’t terribly familiar with the area, so I panicked a bit when Michelle suggested we leave the mall to go drink elsewhere. She could see the uncertainty written on my face when she chided, “Oh c’mon, pull up your panties and let’s get ready for an adventure.” I offered to drive and my date directed me to a shabby looking haunt in some old downtown suburb. Nothing stood out about this place other than the few drunk kids wearing affliction shirts with spiked hair and the old dude (seriously, like 80 or so) chatting it up with three blonde college girls. What a pimp! However, we did run into one of my date’s best friends at this bar, a gal named Courtney. I suspect that this was planned, though, it really didn’t matter. Courtney was pretty bad ass and we all had some good laughs as I got to know my date a little more intimately through her telling of misadventures the two had shared.

We had our drinks, which only helped along our conversation. After a few drinks a look down at my watch… I’m a half hour late for the birthday party and about fifteen minutes away from the shopping center where I met my date. Again, Michelle was my super woman. Reading the contorted expression of confusion on my face and offered “Oh, let’s get to that party!” I didn’t have to ask her, or worry about having to drive her back. Nice.

We arrive at my friend’s raucous party, complete with a person hanging in a tree, my absolute favorite by the way. There was scaryaoke going on, yet more drinking. Are you noticing a theme here? Yeah, that’s intentional, kids.

As we make our way through the party, I prance my date about, introducing her to friends and she’s conversing with all of them and making jokes and just being fun. This is key for me, as I’m a very social person. I don’t do well with shy women because of that. We were both having a blast! Until one fatal moment: Picture time. Michelle and I were asked to pose for a photo. We both sloped into the photo or, rather, fell into the photo as we’d had so much to drink by that time. Michelle sloped a bit quicker than I did and she ended up head butting me in the cheek bone and knocking me to the floor. I was later told that the impact made a sickening thud. I had a bruised cheek bone for over a week… Some might call this a black eye. Owwww!

Our night ended back at the shopping mall, where it all began in the first place. We shared a very nice kiss; this was only after we’d discovered my date’s car had been towed… No joke.

Lessons Learned

This picture clearly illustrates what can happen when you get too drunk on a date.

1. A woman that can step up and be the “idea person” is a VERY good thing. I planned most of the date ahead of time. However, Michelle was glad to step in and make suggestions when I was at a loss. This is a good thing ladies. Take note.
2. Alcohol. Alcohol has been helping love find a way since the darkest of ages. I’m not saying get tanked and pissed (like the folks pictured here), however, I also cannot find a compelling argument to do otherwise.
3. Roll with the punches… or head butts. It’s easy to get discouraged by a date that isn’t going the way you predicted. Live in that moment and go with the flow. Michelle helped me find great gifts for my friend took me to an interesting bar and accompanied me to a friend’s birthday party. Did I mention my date’s car got towed?
4. Oh my God, how thick was Michelle’s skull? Honestly, I still cringe when I think about that impact, LOL! I’m 6’4” and I’m not quite a dainty fella. My date was maybe 5’7” and might fly away in a strong gust; she knocked me down. Me!! Holy hell that hurt!

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