Why I Luv POF Vol. 2: Anti-Fiction Man

Posted by: Skye Blue    Tags:  ,     Posted date:  August 8, 2010  |  10 Comments


August 8, 2010


SKYE BLUE

So a while back I met a dude who called himself CJ on POF. He was a 37 year old black man and within the first five minutes of our first and last phone chat I figured out that he was definitely convinced about a few things – specifically:

  1. His being a desirable and good catch.
  2. The fact that he was very conscious and down for his people.
  3. That he was my intellectual superior.

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Anyway, the many highlights of our conversation included:

  1. Him calling me uppity because of the neighbourhood I choose to live in – not enough Black people for his taste.
  2. Him suggesting that I should trek my ass to God’s back to workout with him at his gym, because it seemed I knew more about working out than he did and I had a car anyway.
  3. My personal fave, him staging a one man protest against – wait for it…FICTION.

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That last one got your attention didn’t it? Well folks, allow me to elaborate.

"Anti-Fiction man"CJ, who I’ve since dubbed Anti-Fiction Man (thanks to Jesse Lown for bringing my vision of my new fave not-so super hero to life with the great artwork) and I got into a discussion about our future goals when he asked me where I hoped to be in five years. When I mentioned, among other things, that I hoped to have some of my fiction published one day, he stopped me.

‘Oh wait a minute, wait a minute. Before you go on, I have to say something,’ he said, sounding agitated.

What the hell did I say that’s got him so riled up? ‘Okay,’ I said.

‘It’s just that I have a real problem with adults who read fiction. Why would anybody who’s grown want to read such silly shit?’

WTF? People, I was genuinely confused – like for real. So I asked the man, ‘What do you mean?’

Undaunted, Anti-Fiction Man continued. ‘I don’t get why grown men and women waste their time reading made up shit. It’s just escapist bullshit. Why not read a book that’s really about something. Like a book on African history or something?’

He can’t be serious? This has to be a joke. I tried again, hoping to hear even the slightest trace of sarcasm or laughter in his voice. ‘CJ forgive me, but I’m not clear about what you’re trying to say. Can you break down you’re reasoning on this for me?’

‘Well, one of my exes from back in the day used to only read Terri MacMillan, Harry Potter and books like that. Stupid shit. It just didn’t make sense to me.’ He paused for a minute apparently still flabbergasted by the thought of it. ‘Adults should read real books, about real issues.’

Wow. Time to school this fool. ‘CJ,’ I started, almost cooing into the phone, ‘I’m sure that an educated brutha like yourself is aware that in addition to the so-called silly books your ex was inclined to read, there is a ton of really amazing literature out there. Books by writers like Ernest Hemingway, Gertrude Stein, Jane Austen, D.H. Lawrence, John Steinbeck, and Harper Lee. And I haven’t even started listing Black writers yet. You’ve got to appreciate work by Ralph Ellision, Richard Wright, Alice Walker, Zora Neale Hurston, Lorraine Hansberry and I can’t forget my boy James Baldwin. You’ve heard of James Baldwin right?’

‘Uh…no.’ CJ cleared his throat. ‘I’m not familiar with that name.”

Really Anti-Fiction man? You don’t recognize the name James Baldwin, yet you over there calling out your ex for reading schlock? Obviously you don’t read anything of importance either. Out loud I asked, ‘So what is your favourite book anyway?’

His answer?

The Autobiography of Malcolm X.’

Riiiiight.

Readers, you know what’s wrong with that answer? I’ll bet you don’t know do you? Well there are three really good reasons why, based on his stance against fiction, his answer was completely whack.

Reason No. 1:

Guess who was mentioned in Malcolm X’s autobiography as a both a civil rights advocate and an author – a gay black one at that (and trust me that was a big deal in the 60s)? JAMES BALDWIN. Nuff said.

Reason No. 2:

Do you all know who helped Malcolm to write his autobiography? That would be the author who is most famous for writing a historical fiction some of you might have heard of called Roots; a book that was so popular in the 70s that it was made into a (hugely successful) TV miniseries. Uh huh, that’s right, Alex Haley.

Reason No. 3:

Finally dear readers, can you guess who took pains in his book to explain that he educated himself during his incarceration by reading every and anything under the sun. This individual started by copying words and their definitions out of the dictionary, and then worked his way up to reading books on philosophy, religion, politics and world (particularly American) history. This same man also took the time to read a great deal of (you guessed it) fiction. He chose books like Uncle Tom’s Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe, to gain insight into the dominant culture’s perception of Black America.  Are you all stumped?… Okay, I’ll give you a hint. His name is in the title of the Anti-Fiction man’s favourite book. What’s that?… Did I hear you say Malcolm X. If so, you are absolutely right! Alright, go ahead give yourself a pat on the back.

Now, are you all out there asking yourselves ’Did he even read the damn book?’ just as I did the night I lost 30 minutes of my life I’ll never get back by entertaining Anti-Fiction Man’s B.S. on the phone? Do you all see that I’m not just being mean here? It is now as clear to you as it is to me that for all his bravado and posturing Anti-Fiction Man has the brains of a post? A post in a broken down picket fence to be exact?

Still SMH,

S


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About the author

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Skye Blue
Skye Blue is a straight shooting, wayward woman who enjoys discussing all matters related to dating and mating, reveling in oral pleasures, and doing very bad things.



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10 Comments for Why I Luv POF Vol. 2: Anti-Fiction Man

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Shans

Skye I remember you telling me about this guy – I remember thinking, “WOW, my girl can do better.” I remember saying, “Is he insane!?” My darling girl any man who judges you to be his intellectual inferior without ever having met you isn’t worth the time. I’m so proud to say, “I know a woman who knows what she is worth!” Too many girls think that it’s OK to settle, props to you for staying true to yourself and demanding better. Love you.

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Skye Blue

@ Shans – “…any man who judges you to be his intellectual inferior without ever having met you isn’t worth the time.”

Two snaps and hip bum to that! And thanks for the love girl.

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Elizabeth Rose

That picture rocks. I wish I had a superhero name and persona… :(

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Man-shopper

A real winner, this one! In fact, he sounds exactly like the fools that I go on dates with. But unlike you, Skye, I do the blink-blink eye routine, play dumb for a bit — just so that I can watch him dig himself even deeper in his hole. I probably would have wasted HOURS on this guy, just for shits and giggles. Am I that bored? Answer: yes.

Also, I love how Anti-Fiction Man has scrawny chicken legs. It just completes the whole picture. Simply priceless.

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Skye Blue

@ Man-shopper – sadly there is only so much foolishness I can stomach on the phone. Had we been on a date, I would’ve put on my ‘let’s make the best of this’ face and hunkered down for an entertaining evening. But my conversation with AF man happened right after I’d finished chatting with another dude, who was charming, witty and actually smart. He probably wouldn’t have stood a chance even if our chat had been sorta good.

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Aunt Juicebox

I wonder how he feels about movies? LOL To be honest, I read by far more non-fiction than fiction, but thank God for escapist bullshit. I <3 me some vampires! ;)

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Shans

@AJ you complimented and insulted fiction at the same time, sad face, fiction isn’t escapist bullshit – sure it can be. But non-fiction can be an ego trip by someone who has no business writing. Every genre has good and bad. James Joyce? Rohinton Mistry? Jane Austin? There are beautiful works of fiction that speak to the human condition through art and hearing people trash on it makes me want to scream. I know you didn’t trash exactly but you came close dear.

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sweetd

@ Skye- show off! Lol. you are a well read young lady. I guess the brother thought he was messing with a dimwit, love it. Only insecure men want to dumb down their women, nuff big up.

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Skye Blue

@sweetd – re the show off comment, as my friend JFB says it isn’t braggin’ if you’ve done it ;)

re “Only insecure men want to dumb down their women” – so true.

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Something She Dated

I think you’re a superstar for even being open to listen to his reasons for why such a fool might not see the value in fiction…I would have just hung up the phone lol!

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