August 18, 2010

SAM SHARPE

Boy meets Girl. Girl looks like something out of Essence or Jet magazine. Boy likes Girl. Girl meets Boy and feels the same. Boy wants to get her naked. Girl is amenable. Boy asks Girl out. Girl agrees to dinner, drinks and then…Girl lives a 45 minute drive away. Boy hates driving, but is willing to travel for Girl. Boy picks up Girl. Girl looks even better than Boy remembered. Girl gets into car wearing tight jeans, sexy boots and a fitted turtleneck sweater. Girl flashes million dollar smile. Boy watches the curve of her lips. Boy ogles the curves of her body. Boy thanks God that he wore boxer briefs instead of boxers.

Girl says that she needs to stop at the mall. Girl says she has to buy new outfit for a function. Girl asks if that’s ok. Boy is too busy imagining sucking on Girl’s breasts to care. Boy says sure. Boy and Girl arrive at mall. Boy watches Girl try on an outfit. And then another. And another. And a next one. And one more. Girl drags boy to another store. And then another. And another. And a next one. And then one more. Boy watches girl repeat the cycle. Girl runs out of stores to visit. Girl is frustrated.

Boy and Girl start walking back to car. Girl starts to get emotional. Girl then starts to sniffle. Girl starts to choke up. Boy asks Girl if Girl is ok. Girl says nothing. Girl starts to weep. People start watching Boy and Girl. People look at Boy with a ‘wonder what he did to her’ look. Girl graduates from weeping to “wailin”. Boy doesn’t know what to do. People ask if Girl is ok. Boy says I don’t know. Girl graduates from “wailin” to “cow bawlin’”. Boy receives more dirty looks from people.

Boy is now nervous. Boy doesn’t know what to do. Boy and Girl walk past Baskin Robbins. Boy thinks that everyone loves ice cream. Boy asks Girl if she wants ice cream. Girl pauses for a second. Girl resumes “cow bawlin’”. Boy and Girl get to car. Boy drives Girl home. Girl gets out of Boy’s car. Girl hops into her own car. Boy drives away home. Girl drives away to parts unknown. Boy never sees Girl naked.

Boy learns this:

I scream. You scream. We all do not scream for ice cream.

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