October 18, 2010

SKYE BLUE

Okay, so we’re about half way through Drought Survival month and it’s my turn to share a story about my own experience with celibacy.  I’ve been wracking my brain for days now, trying to figure out what I should say about it. Should I tell you that…

1. I’m a sexual camel. If I’m not interested in / involved with a man I really like, I can go for months at a time without giving it too much thought – that is unless some harbour shark or sweet dick man crosses my path (yes, even for camels like me the flesh is weak).
2. For me celibacy (though I’ve never labeled my sexless periods that way) has been a source of refuge from the world of dating: one I escape into after having made a ton of bad decisions about who to let into my life and my bed (you all remember B, who flopped the show? And Mr. Fishy and his games, right?).
3. Choosing not to partake in sex at this point in my life is preferable to spending a night with a man who will only interest me for the duration of his erection.
4. When all is said and done as much as I crave a deep connection with a man that will include loads of extra good lovin’, being celibate and therefore manless, makes me feel safer than I’d like to admit. Why? Well because there’s no chance of being vulnerable to enough to get your heart stomped if you keep yourself out of the game entirely right?

.

But, please don’t get me wrong. Over the course of my 30+ years of walking this planet I’ve had A LOT of sex – casual and otherwise, and for the most part I’ve relished it (the shit is absolutely delightful how could I not?). But as I get older and more self-reflective (I started to write wiser, but who am I kidding?) the idea of sex for sex’s sake is rapidly losing its appeal: a fact that makes it increasingly easier to say NO, when my ex, P³ (that stands for Positively Perfect Penis. Don’t worry. I’ll tell you all about him one day), or a sweet tongued stranger suggests that we get together for a little ‘practice’.

Basically, what I’m saying is that unlike my man Sam, who suffered his way through an un-pregnancy years ago, celibacy isn’t all that hard for me. I mean, when I look back on my dating history, with the exception of three men (who I now realize all happened to be performers. Wait a minute? Could there a connection there? Do musicians and actors do it better?), the best sex I ever had has always occurred in the bounds of a LTR or some close facsimile. The men in my life who I had the most intense and meaningful connections with (a group which I have to admit definitely includes some crazy ass mo’ fo’s – P³ included. Hence my need to take refuge) are the men I had the best sexual experiences with. PERIOD.  So…

I am more than happy (most of the time anyway) to wait for the right man parts, attached to the right man to finally show up. And until he does, I’ll just keep saying NO (at least I will 99.99% of the time… What?… Cut me some slack I’m human) and keep my fave ‘self-cultivating toy‘ (buzzzzz) charging on my night stand.

Share This

---

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
•