October 20, 2010

ELIZABETH ROSE and SAM SHARPE

Must have sex toys… It’s a tough ask, as so much is down to your own preference, budget and use. The dual actions are always popular with the Rabbit being a constant favourite. (I am on my fourth since they don’t yet come with a lifetime guarantee.) If you prefer something more sleek, then the Lelo line of ergonomically designed vibrations are rather special (and can be safely left lying around without intimidating flatmates or would be lovers). Whatever your thoughts, I’ve given you a few tasty tidbits of advice as applied to my own “top drawer” purchasing habits.

1. Size it – Don’t go crazy and get some huge donkey kong of a dildo unless you can comfortably sleep with a marrow.
2. Think outside your box – Do be inventive and think outside of a battery powered dick. There’s all sorts of love eggs and wands to pick from too.
3. Slide and ride – Always, always use lube (check on the type when you buy the toy, water based is needed for silicon toys)

In case you were wondering, I currently rotate between a Rabbit Pearl, two different Lelos and a we-vibe. All enjoyed with lashings of water-based lube, a locked door and an appropriately managed playlist, but for Christmas I want a Hitachi Magic Wand…

ER

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I know nothing about sex toys. Never used one. At least not by myself. Or on myself. I have had the pleasure of poking, prodding, stroking and scratching (yes, I said scratching) several comely lasses. One lass in particular had this monstrous purple rotating, vibrating thingamajig that she loved inserting into her…y’know…girl parts (Let me tell you this thing was HUGE. The fact that I could be in the same room as that contraption while we—it and I—pleasured her confirmed for me that I, Sam Sharpe, am quite comfortable and confident with/in my manhood). The only thing she liked more was having me behind the wheel.

But now I think it’s time I take a bold step forward, a time to broaden my horizons. A single Google search has opened up vast new worlds for me. Worlds of products with names like the Pocket Pussy, the Pocket Ass (the advertisement for this one says “so real, our perfect asses never say no. I’m not sure whether to be disgusted or titillated by that last statement) and the Autoblow.

I will keep you posted on my progress. Rest assured, I will leave no stone, enhancer or artificial orifice (ewwww) unturned. Feel free to recommend any personal favourites. Ciao for now.

Sam

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