March 25, 2011
Hey all, we’re back and tonight I’m going to share some of my random musings on we humans, our seemingly insatiable desire for pleasure and the events of the past several weeks…
Unless you live under a rock, it’s likely you’re well aware of the fact that individuals who choose to openly live sex positive lifestyles are often seen as depraved freaks skulking around in the shadows, waiting to pounce on some poor and unwitting innocent, by wider society. As anyone who identifies as kinky, a swinger and/or polyamorous will tell you their communities are often portrayed as being populated by people living on the fringes of society in the media. What’s more, to lend weight to this misguided notion, these groups are often lumped in with pedophiles, rapists and anyone else that has a penchant for engaging in non-consensual sex acts. A fact that makes it difficult for members of these groups to share any details – however small – about their sex lives with people outside their communities. And the saddest part about it all is that because so few of us so-called vanilla folk knowingly meet, speak to and/or interact with such people, we believe what we see, hear and read in the media.
But here’s the thing. Since starting this blog, I’ve been exposed to all kinds of people with all manner of sexual desires and interests, and the one thing I’ve learned is that despite all the nonsense we’ve all been fed about people who identify themselves as poly, kinky or swingers being salacious and sex starved freaks, generally they’re everyday folk just like you and me.
They have day jobs just like us, they have partners they love (or just tolerate) just like us, they dote on their kids just like us, and they dream of bigger and brighter futures just like us. In fact, as far as I can tell the only thing that makes them any different from the rest of us is the fact that they’ve made the (arguably) brave decision to focus a whole lot of their energy on exploring their sexuality: to follow the lead of their very curious minds so they can revel in new experiences and pleasures, and learn more about themselves. Basically, unlike the rest of us they’ve shown their sexual inhibitions – most of them anyway – the door.
I can say that quite confidently because I’ve realized something recently. Namely, that many people out there are searching for a safe place to share/discuss your sexual fantasies and proclivities. A place where you won’t be judged, ridiculed or viewed as freakish because of your desires.
You see, since publishing my interviews on Fuck Club (click here and here if you missed them), my post on my sex makeover and telling people about all about the kinky play party Sam and I attended, dozens of people in my social circle – including some of the über vanilla and conservative ones – and even some random strangers have been real interested in talking to me. Why you ask?
Well, it seems they’re all quite excited about having the opportunity to tell someone ‘safe’ about their fantasy lives. And people, let me tell you, these aren’t your garden variety fantasies about being swept away in some romantic Harlequin-esque scene. I’m talking about the kind of ‘depraved’ acts that we vanilla folk often condemn (publicly at least): including (or should I say especially?), the desire to participate in group sex and/or sex with more than one partner, to dominate or be dominated by someone, and most commonly to be a voyeur while such events unfold.
Interestingly enough, when these ‘closet freaks’ share this information with me it’s usually in hushed tones and their stories are consistently prefaced with the phrase ‘Just between us…’, to ensure their deepest, darkest desires are kept secret. It’s as if they think if they say the words too loudly – they’ll be swept away in a tide of their own lust and yearning for sexual fulfillment; or worse yet, end up just like all the card carrying perverts many of them are loathe to be associated with.
And I to tell you the truth I can relate. Within the last few months I’ve thought and experienced some things that made me take pause and ask myself ‘Who the hell are you, Skye? And are you sure you like what you’re becoming?’ Not so much because I didn’t totally relish each new experience or what I felt as a result; but primarily because of all the morality surrounding sex that has been drilled into me over the years. Morality that makes swinging, participating in kink, choosing to be poly, admitting that you really like sex and even partial nudity, more of an issue for most of us than watching all the murder and mayhem offered up on TV each night.
So tonight I’m asking you all ‘What if?’
We could all learn not to judge each other for our sexual desires (the ones involving consensual sex between two adults anyway) no matter how ‘depraved’?
We could learn to be more tolerant of people who make different choices regarding their love and sex lives than we do, rather than avoiding or condemning them?
We could be open and honest enough with each other to acknowledge that although what we define as sexual pleasure may be different, for better or worse all we humans are committed to seeking it?