The longer [a woman] lived with a romantic partner, the more likely she was to keep putting on weight…Meanwhile, the risk of obesity among guys — married and unmarried — spikes only between the first and second years of living together. – Dr. Penny Gordon-Larsen,  University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, as sited in First Comes Love, Then Comes Obesity, Time Magazine.

If you’re still unconvinced just type in “Post marriage weight gain” on Google, and you’ll see that this is not only a hot research topic, but also something many men – who, according to Jeffrey Sobal et al of the Cornell study, have a lower tolerance for overweight partners than women do – in relationships are very concerned about. (FYI: While I’m aware that many women are also quite concerned about their husbands/partners gaining weight – Lord knows I would be if I were in that situation – it seems most women are quite forgiving on this issue. A fact that would explain why there seems to be a dearth of articles citing women’s complaints about their husbands’ beer guts and love handles.)

Now, before you all start giving me the old “What about unconditional love?” line, or going on about the fact that men, and their seemingly few and far between likeminded female peers,  need to quit bitching and moaning about all the happiness weight their SOs put on once they’ve settled down, because between having and raising kids, working, keeping house and all life’s other demands, there’s often little time to do what it takes to maintain one’s sexy (all valid points…to some degree anyway), let me say this:

I completely agree that being committed to someone means that you love them unconditionally – even after they’ve packed on 20-50 pounds. But (you all knew that was coming didn’t you?) to my mind unconditional love – admittedly a beautiful thing – does NOT also mean unconditional sexual attraction and desire for your mate.  PERIOD.  So, If you go up two or more dress sizes (please note: a single dress size is generally the equivalent of 10 pounds) or go from looking like Mike Phelps to Homer Simpson, there’s a real good chance your partner is going to be much less inclined to do the nasty with you. With good reason I might add. Allow me to explain…

Most people, rightly or wrongly, tend to feel less confident and/or good about themselves when they gain weight. And since we all acknowledge that being confident,  is a key factor is having sex appeal and/or attracting someone, it only makes sense that when you don’t feel good about the way look  (i.e. are under confident), your mate is going to be much less interested in being intimate with you. I mean, let’s be real honest here folks. Why would your mate want to look at you, when you don’t even want to look at yourself? I for one, know that I would be one unhappy, insecure and paranoid basket case, loathe to shuck my clothes in front of a man (even one who loved me to bits) if I gained 20+ pounds upon getting hitched to or shacking up with him. And I’m sure I’m not the only one who’d feel that way, right?  What’s more, as “up to 30% of obese people seeking help controlling their weight indicate problems with sex drive, desire, performance, or all three”, it’s clear that packing on the pounds dampens your desire for sex (BOOOOO!!).

So what are we guys and gals to do, when our SOs call us out on any happiness weight we’ve gained over the course of our relationships – either through direct discussion or the more common indirect path of chronically diminishing quantities of affection or intimacy in our relationships? Well, my suggestion is this. Instead of getting bat shit crazy defensive and trying to prevent any discussion of your double chin and muffin top increasing weight, take a deep breath or 100, and listen… without interrupting (that means keeping your mouth closed). Then, before choking them out when you address their concerns, be sure to acknowledge the fact that you are aware of the fact that not maintaining your weight is negatively impacting your relationship.

Is doing so a bitter pill to swallow? Absolutely. Is getting off your ass to do something about it even harder? Fuck yeah. But as hard and uncomfortable having such a discussion and working to change the problem will be, aren’t they both much better than the alternative…

You being an overweight, no sex having and in the worst cases (assuming you want your SO to stick around) suddenly single man or woman?

–

*For men, percentage body fat greater than 25% defines obesity, and 21-25% is borderline. For women, over 33% defines obesity, and 31-33% is borderline.

Share This

---

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
•