Wedding Etiquette

Posted by: Elizabeth Rose    Tags:  , , ,     Posted date:  May 2, 2011  |  Comment


“Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.”

For many of us, the Royal Wedding last week was just the start of a long season of nuptials. Meaning summer weekends spent dress shopping, attending hen nights and wearing nice hats to church services. These are wonderful occasions for basking in the glow of true love, enjoying an open bar and getting out of the city for a weekend. Or you can view them as a huge drain on your available weekends and spending money due to travel, gifts and all the new outfits required. Either way, there are some basic items of etiquette often forgotten.

Firstly, always RSVP. It’s a lot of admin for the couple, so be nice and let them get their numbers confirmed. Also if you confirm as a single early – you may find yourself seated near or on a table of the groom’s hot, single, rugby buddies to “even out the numbers”. So it’s really a win-win situation!

Secondly, just because the bar is free doesn’t mean all the men are. Ninety percent of the guys are off limits. The groom, the father of the bride, the vicar and anyone’s plus one are obvious no-go’s. In some cases this can be the entire wedding party. My last outing as a bridesmaid was at a large and very fun wedding with only TWO single guys in attendance. Thankfully, the reception was at a hotel also playing host to a running club’s annual dinner so I found myself a collection of drunk athletes with excellent stamina in the hotel bar and “the do” was over. If I hadn’t stumbled across such an opportunity – I may have tried it on with some of the hotel staff.

That’s the thing with weddings. They make all girls horny. It doesn’t matter if you dream of wearing a veil one day or not, getting dressed up, seeing your friends happy, and a free bar… I defy any woman not to feel like getting boned at the end of it all. With this is mind, I do beseech all my friends planning on inviting me to their big day to remember to seat me by the groom’s hot, single, rugby buddies. Otherwise, you have only yourself (and the free bar) to blame if I try it on with the vicar.

Lastly, for this post at least, don’t look hotter than the bride. You can look good, you can look slutty (not for a church wedding though), but absolutely do NOT attract more attention that the bride on her day. Pippa Middleton’s ass (which now has a it’s own website, twitter account and facebook fanpage with over 150 000 fans) – are you reading this?!?!


The sister and maid of honour, rightfully looked outstanding – but the amount of attention her ass is getting may cause a bit of tension in the family. This is why bridesmaids’ dresses typically range from fairly plain to slightly hideous.