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Kathryn Hoyle, founder and Managing Director of Sh!

How did you come to start a women’s sex shop in London?

It all started out after a girly lunch turned into a shopping trip to the sex shops in Soho. We’d had a few glasses of wine and started out giggling, before it turned into quite an icky experience for a group of liberated women. It was a very alienating experience. All these shops were dark, all the toys were very phallic, it seemed to be completely aimed at guys – having dragged these friends of mine in and out of these unsuitable shops I just felt it was ridiculous and about three months later we opened.

Three months is an impressive turnaround for a new business!

It was all done on passion – no business acumen when we started! We even ended up going back to those shops to look for suppliers. We walked in and stated, “We’re thinking of starting our own sex shop for women”. Under normal circumstances any store would hold onto their supplier list as being confidential, but they literally thought it was just so ridiculous that we got various names of suppliers.

Although you found suppliers to buy your initial stock from, I understand Sh! now manufactures dildos. When did you decide to make the change into manufacturing?

That would have been about a year after first opening. Our early vibrator range only ran to about 20. We were looking for something girly and playful, but they were all either phallic or medical looking and designed to be used internally on women. This isn’t surprising as most vibrators are designed by men, so of course they would look like and act like a penis. In terms of dildos the situation was even worse, all trying to be very “realistic” looking toys – and I’m doing speak marks as surely no one thinks that flesh colour they use is realistic.

Strap-ons were where we started first; 90% of what we were selling were to lesbian couples. Why on earth would they want a dick? We had heard that they were manufacturing toys out of silicon in US, so we started out trying to make silicon toys. We made a lot of dog toys in the early days. It’s a very tricky and sensitive material to work with. The tiniest flaws in moulds will show up, and it’s very sensitive to temperature, so in the winter they would be sitting in moulds for weeks and not setting and in the summer almost setting as we were pouring them.

Sounds like you were very hands on in the early days, are you still on the front line?

No, I’m not pouring dildos anymore! But I have done pretty much every job in this company. So yes, I can make dildos, and I can even do the tax return.

One of the topics covered in the Birthday Party, was all about the blog refresh at Sh!. What’s happening with that?

At the moment we’re doing a retrospective, so scanning back through five massive boxes of press. In the early days (and continuing) we were featured everywhere in the media as this novel little shop selling sex toys for women.

What I plan to do is a commentary on the massive changes for women in our society and our role in it. I hope to include not just how women have been taking control of their sexuality, but also more of an economic comment. I want to illustrate how women’s buying power has increased, and how this has subsequently been recognised by the old boys club of a sex industry.

What are the big plans for Sh! upcoming 20^th Birthday?

We’re working on a new product range, mostly dildos and strap-ons. We may also look into commissioning some new vibrator designs. I expect to put that out to our customers, as over the years we’ve actually received a number of suggestions for sex toys. However, we’ve also had a lot of geezers in the store with their ideas for thrusting or pedal-powered contraptions.

Of course, we’ll probably have an enormous party. And the blogging will be a big part of it. I really want to tell our story.

We’re also looking to expand, but we’re keen to do so in the right way – it’s not just about selling, selling, selling. There is something about sex that can make us as women feel so vulnerable and there is the possibility that can be exploited.

Many MetAnotherFrog.com readers are international and not based in UK, are there plans to go international? Sh! Girlz on tour perhaps?

No plans as yet. A lot of it is the other way with international folk coming here. We had Deborah Sundahl coming across to talk on female ejaculation and how to have a G-Spot orgasm on May 19th. We also have a lot of book readings too, including a very popular erotica author, Rachel Kramer Bussel, for her very first UK reading on the evening of Saturday, July 2.

We do, of course, have international shipping so the website will serve anyone who is looking to buy too.

Sh! has strong ties with National Health Service (NHS) and women’s foundations – where do you see that going?

I do hope to continue to build on the ties we already have. Dr David Goldmeier , our key contact, is a forward thinking physician in medical research and we’ve supported each other for years. Without his help we’d have a real challenge dealing with NHS or other groups because we’re an erotic shop discussing sexual issues. Large institutions tend to think we’re dodgy.

Sometimes being part of the sex industry is very hard, even getting really basic things like insurance or a credit card machine can be difficult. Dr. Goldmeier’s endorsement has helped us get past all that and validated us in a way; for example, in creating our vaginismus kit.

[The kit contains four size-graded vibrators with lube sachets and full instructions. It is designed for women with vaginismus or who need a dilating kit to help get them back into shape, for example, after surgery.]

You’ve mentioned the change in attitudes over that last 19 yrs, with yourself blogging as well. Do you think the recent surge of women and sex bloggers has or will have a large effect on the ongoing evolution of sexual attitudes?

Cosmo first wrote an article about women masturbating in 1999. We’d been going since 1992 and they would often phone and ask for input, for example “have you got any nice toys for couples?”. It was always for couples, and then finally they called for a recommendation for a toy for women. So I recommended the Jessica Rabbit (the toy discovered in a warehouse and renamed by Sh! as the Jessica rather than Roger Rabbit). There was no picture included in the article, just this little quote. But we sold something like six hundred in two days. It seemed to have given some validation to women. These days it sounds naïve to say that women didn’t know that other women masturbated, but it was never spoken about. We never kind of gave ourselves permission in a way.

So with blogging, more and more women are talking about real issues and experiences with sex and getting away from this idolised media image of what sex is like for women. Even now in many mainstream films, he jumps on top, pumps away for five minutes and she comes. I don’t know if this is because films just can’t be bothered but there isn’t an accurate representation out there. Blogging is really, really important to counter the fact that as women we have been really messed up by the idea that achieving orgasm through penetrative sex is something to aspire to. I think a huge proportion of women feel inadequate about not being able to come that way.

Finally, is there anything you would recommend to our readers for a quick dip into your products?

I’ve got too many!

I’d have to say lube, as we’ve always said it’s the best sex toy in the world. It’s the most liberating toy for women as it takes away all that “am I wet enough?” anxiety that a woman might or might not have.

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