July 12, 2011

It’s the second Wednesday of the month and you know what that means right?

It’s time for the second edition of Hot Debate Wednesday (for those of you who missed the inaugural edition click here), and this time we’ve got two guest posters giving two very divergent takes on one very serious issue…

The double standard men face that prevents them from being able to explore same sex connections (even to the most limited degree) and  still be considered dateable by many women.

Intrigued? Then read on, because guest posters Cassidy and Jon have got much to say on this very controversial issue.

SB

Boys, Once You Try Cock, You Can’t Come Back

CASSIDY

Okay, so right from the get go I’m going to state that I know that most of you aren’t going to like what I have to say, but I’m going to say it anyway. My Met Another Frog peeps came a callin’ because they knew I had a pretty strong stance on this month’s hot debate topic, and I plan to go at it… HARD.

So, the question of the day is:

Why don’t guys have the freedom to explore dating/sleeping same sex partners and still be considered dateable by most women?

As hot as he is, I'd still have to take a pass if he told me he was bi.

Now, to me this one is no brainer, because every man I’ve ever known who dabbled with male-on-male sex ‘just a lil’ bit’ or who once proudly claimed the title of bisexual, eventually evolved their way right into the ‘I’m gay and I’m proud’ camp. So, if I was ever asked out by a guy who tells me he is/has been down with sleeping with men on occasion, whatever label he claims, I’m so NOT going there with him.

As much as I believe that everyone has the right to love, marry and (consensually) fuck whomever it is they please, IMO a man who messes with men is absolutely off limits. Just the thought of my man engaging in butt secks (as a top or a bottom, but particularly as a bottom), sword fighting and/or giving/getting oral from another man makes me feel queasy. Furthermore, as far as I’m concerned any man who engages in such acts has allowed himself to be…

EMASCULATED.

Yep…I said it.

Now, before you all start getting froggy with me let me add this. Intellectually, I know that deeming a man to be less of a man because of a sex act – whatever that sex act may be – is fucked up. As God is my witness I do. But I’m trying to keep it real here. So, as ‘irrational’ (both Skye and Sam have dropped that one on me a time or too when we’ve debated this issue) and unpopular as my view may be, I’m going to give it to you straight (ha ha! Pun intended).

There is simply no room in my mind for me to see men who kiss, fondle, make out with, and/or fuck other men as manly, sexy or desirable. FACT. The qualities I associate with attractive and dateable men are strength, a bit of machismo (just a dash really, because with too much of that shit things can get out of hand real quickly), and them having not even a smidgen of a desire to ‘play’ with other men (well, at least not enough to want to act on it – EVER): and (un)fortunately, dabbling with dudes takes you off da list. And you know what else? There are many women – even some bisexual women I know personally (who readily admit they are hypocrites, but nobody’s perfect right?) – who think just like me.

But how could there not be?

Whether you want to admit it or not, we all live in and have been indoctrinated influenced (some more than others) by a society that has a HUGE double standard, when it comes to gender and sex; and the fact is that women have way more options sexually than their male counterparts. Some would even argue that being a bisexual woman is now in vogue, chic even. But will this ever be the case for men? I think not, at least not until our cultural views on what it means to be a real man shift dramatically.

If and when that day comes folks, maybe just maybe my views will change; I won’t feel like vomiting at the thought of being with a dude who’s been with another man; and I just might take the plunge and tap the ass of a cute bisexual male (if he’ll have me after reading this rant, which I know is unlikely). But until then, I’m standing firm – or ‘strong and wrong’ as my more tolerant and sexually open friends like to tell me – and keeping my dating life a straighter-than-straight-man ONLY zone.

–

FYI Ladies: Nobody Wants to Fuck a Closed-minded Fool

JON

To Cassidy and every woman out there that thinks like her, you’re homophobes.

If you want to really give it to us straight, say those words. It explains all of what you espouse in a much neater package. When considering the question “Why don’t guys have the freedom to explore dating/sleeping with same sex partners and still be considered dateable by most women?” you employ a litany of fabulous reasons to covertly demonstrate your queer fear:

1. 1. Once a guy tastes cock he becomes gay
   2. A guy who has been with another dude sexually is emasculated
   3. Man-on-man sex acts make you queasy
   4. Society says gay sex is wrong, so we should continue that
   5. You feel like vomiting at the thought of gay sex

I am not about to debate your taste in men or preference in partners. That is, and always will be, a person’s choice. I, for one, would not consider fucking a closed-minded fool, and I hope you’d respect that. I have, however, fucked both men and women throughout my life. I’ve predominantly been with women because that is my choice, but when I’ve had the opportunity to pull a meaty cock out of some dude’s pants, I’ve taken it out, swallowed it down and loved it.

Sorry, I’m probably making you sick. I’ll try to be a little less graphic.

Fuck no I won’t!

Gay sex is just like any other sex! It is beautiful and hot and sexual and caring. Regardless of the body parts involved, it is all about the person and what is in between their ears that should turn you on the most. If you get hung up on someone’s past, it is because you have THAT issue. Have you questioned every guy you’ve been with about which vagina and mouth he’s been in? Have you approved of all of those choices? Do you even have the right to approve?

To suggest that any man who has had even a dalliance with another man has been emasculated is, at best, laughable and, at worst, dangerous. Ever taken a peak at gay porn? Have you ever seen the bodies and attitudes on these guys? They may be getting drilled in the ass, but they can be strong and mean bastards. Just like any other man. The scary part is what your assertion says about the nature of having sex with a man. It makes the person doing it inferior and less strong. Does that apply to all het women? Does that mean you?

It isn’t hard to wonder why people are all freaked out about guy-gay and not lady-gay. Guy-gay is deemed wrong because insecure men have decided it is. Man-on-man action being forbidden is a relatively new phenomenon, historically-speaking—hello Rome, Greece and every other society. Whereas lady-labia-lovin’ is a phenomenon encouraged only in the past few decades. Dykes used to be burned at the stake! But now, the bisexual woman is raised on a pedestal as a sex goddess—BY MEN. This attitude has been perpetuated in media, in swing culture and in porn. Is it subversive that women who want to play with women can now be a little more open? Sure—but if men again to decide change their minds…back to being lumped in with bi men they will go.

Is that what you want? Do you want to live in a world ruled by religious zealots who dominate culture and tell you that boys kissing boys is icky? Do you want to tell some fucking hot hunk of man that you can’t consider him because he once rode the meat stick? He could be intelligent, humourous, caring, gentle and confident. But oh no! He touched a penis! Obviously he’s damaged goods.

I’ll give you one more little reason you should reconsider your homophobia—and we’ll even allow that it is an entirely selfish one. Being a man who has been with women and men, I’ve had the opportunity to have lots of sex. Lots of different types of sex. And you know what I learned from fucking guys? I learned how to use my dick, my mouth, my ass, my hands and, most importantly, my imagination in more hot ways that you and your ultra-straight mind could fathom. I will always believe that experience makes for a better lover.

So, to all the Cassidys of the world, instead of putting your puritanical foot in your tight little mouth, open up and swallow some bi cock instead. Why be lead down a straight path when you can go just a little bit bent instead?

Share This

---

• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
• 
•