SKYE BLUE

Whether you know it or not, if you read this month’s Hot Debate post, entitled Ladies, Would You Date a Bi Guy?, you’re already familiar with Jon Pressick, Managing Editor of Sexlife Canada and our newest columnist here at Met Another Frog.

That’s right, folks, we’re about to launch yet another column – namely, Gettin’ Around: A Monthly Review of Sex News and Events – which will make its debuts tomorrow.

As the name of the column is pretty much self-explanatory, I won’t bore with you with any preamble as to what it’s all about. No dear readers, instead what I’m going to do tonight is give you just a little more insight into one of the driving forces behind Sexlife Canada and the main reason why Gettin’ Around came to be.

Ladies and Gents, without further ado, I give Mr. Jon Pressick, in his own words…

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Skye: What is it about sex and sexuality that intrigues you so much?

JP: I’ve often said that if I had the mind for it or known about the programs at the time I was in school, I would have studied sex. Uhhm…but I don’t have the mind for an in-depth study of sex. I could never finish a degree in it or make a career of it. There’s too many things to look at, and I wouldn’t be able to focus on just one aspect for too long.

But it has been a constant in my life for the last 15 years, and that’s just from working on different projects involving sex. I was always a very precocious teenager when it came to sex, and quite honestly I just like talking about it, discovering what people think about it, and why they think what they think about it. I love learning about new ideas in sex. New study ideas, new societal ideas, and emerging things. It’s all so fascinating. I  could just talk about it for hours and hours.

Jon Pressick, Managing Editor of Sexlife Canada and the newest columnist here at Met Another Frog.

Skye: It seems that you’re very open about your own sexuality. Was there a time in your life – and by life I mean late teens and beyond – that you weren’t as open about your own or other’s sexuality as you are now?

JP: I wouldn’t say I’m necessarily 100% open about my own sexuality, even at this point. I mean I don’t know if my family’s ever figured out that they can google people’s names, or if they have they’ve never mentioned it. It’s just not something I openly discuss with them, because it’s not something we’ve ever been chatty about.

But if you do google my name you’ll see that I do put a lot of it out there, and I think a lot of that comes from when I was in university, where I happened upon a group of friends who were very sexually open. A lot of the work I did in the beginning was involved with the queer community, and you’re not going to be relevant or matter if you’re not pretty open with health, society or even entertainment things in the queer community.

I struggled with that in a lot of respects, because regardless of how many times I say I’m a queer or bi guy, people saw that I had a female partner and kids, and then they would just shut it down. I had a lot of road blocks in that respect. But at the same time, I forged a strong identity; and a lot of that had to with the fact that if you get me talking I won’t shut up. I’m pretty much happy to share all the time.

Skye: How long has Sexlife Canada been around and how did it come to be?

JP: It has been around for just over a year and half. I came on as the Toronto city editor at about three months into their existence and then in the fall of last year, when the site needed some new direction, John Ince, the founder of the site, asked me if I wanted to come on as Managing Editor.

John’s a pretty interesting guy. He’s lives out in B.C. and he’s one of the lawyers currently working on the polygamy case out there. He owns a sex shop called the Art of Loving, and he founded the Sex Party, which is a political party in B.C. He’s very big on the sex positive ideal and wanted to engage the rest of Canada in this discussion.

Skye: What has the response to the site and its aims been so far? Particularly since you came on.

JP: I’d say the response has been good and the site has slowly been gaining ground. That’s mostly because I spend way too much time in front of computers and have the time to write ridiculous amounts of copy for the site, and interview people constantly because I have a very cushy job. (laughs)… In the last year or so the traffic has increased by almost 200%. We’ve reached the goal that we set out to and our social media presence has grown as well.

Now when I approach people for interviews, some of them actually say they’ve heard about the site, and I love that. It’s great when people know of the site before I introduce it to them.

Skye: Do you have any other goals for the site?

JP: Well my personal goal is to find some aspect of content from every province and territory in Canada, by the end of this year, so it’s truly nationwide content. It’s going to be really hard to do. As it stands I don’t have content for PEI or any of the territories. It’s very challenging because there’s not much up there, at least that I’ve found. There are definitely things happening in those areas, but often the people in smaller communities don’t even have connections amongst themselves, so finding it from here is much more challenging.

It’s important that I find and feature information about smaller communities, although it would be much easier and better for my traffic if I put up stories about Toronto and Montreal all the time. But I want to get the smaller places and feature them, so that people in those areas to see themselves represented. Because when you see yourself represented you get empowered, and then you can do more.

Skye: On your site’s about page it states that…”We hope thousands of Canadians will get involved in this effort to make our country a leading light in healthy, creative sexual expression. What exactly does “healthy, creative sexual expression” mean to you?

JP: It just means that there is so much that is the opposite of sex positive, sex negative so to speak. And sex negative thinking just seems to permeate communities across the country on a consistent basis. Every time we think we’re moving forward, people are getting into the idea of sex positivity and it’s been quiet, something happens. Like the incident to caused SlutWalk to happen. Or the judge in Winnipeg. In those moments you realize there’s still a lot to do.

So, one of the big changes that I made on the site was that I feature a lot of individuals or groups with the distinct purpose of wanting others to see what is being done individually or by small groups. The idea there being that if someone sees that people in Vancouver or Toronto are mobilizing to do things, they may be inspired do something in their own small community.

Showcasing these people spreads the idea that it’s not big name people or groups that are going to lead. Everyone leads and they lead on very different levels. They may be really active; they may only be a bit active. They may just organize a munch or even just attend the munch. But by going to these sorts of things they’re doing something active.

Skye: Your website also mentions that one of its key aims is to develop sex journalism in Canada. What do you think we would see in the media if the field of sex journalism was already fully developed?

JP: Well I think that, there is almost the spark of media sex journalism now. But it’s the citizen journalism that is starting to take over all kinds news. And it’s the citizen journalism that is really going to start this.

Someone that I really enjoy is the site Sexy Typewriter. She had a blog about online dating and now she’s writing for the Quebecor corporation. It’s awesome that someone who took her own outlet, grew it into a career, and has now grown into a presence into the mainstream media.

As far as sex related television shows I don’t think there’s been anything as accessible as Sex Matters on CP24. That show is mass market friendly and is not crazy challenging, but Cynthia puts out a lot of great content on that show that is positive. Also internet and college radio shows have been really good too.

So far it’s coming from individuals and not corporations, but I think corporations are going to have to take notice eventually. And they’ll start hiring more people like Sexy Typewriter.

Skye: What challenges do you think people living in smaller communities in Canada face if they want  to live sex positive lifestyles? What obstacles, if any, do you foresee Sexlife Canada having in fulfilling its mandate to foster inclusive sex positive communities in such areas?

JP: For Sexlife Canada is just finding the information.

One thing that’s great about Canada and that makes us extremely lucky is that if you’re interested in marginalized or fetish communities there’s Fetlife.com, which is a fantastic resource, and does incorporate a lot of different communities.

But the thing that has most heartened me is knowing that in small towns there are people who have these interests, who are on Fetlife and because of that they are able to connect with people in their area. I found a link for a munch out in Moncton that said I was being held at the Tim Horton’s under the bridge.  And then another time it was at the Swiss Chalet… I was struck by how great that was. I mean these are people who want together to discuss their interests and their problems, and they’re getting together under the bridge, at Tim Horton’s

In Toronto we take so much for granted. We just had a giant pride parade here, community groups can meet any place, anywhere in the city. But in Moncton they’ve got to meet at Tim Horton’s. So obviously there are challenges for people living in these communities that want to get together.

The internet is essential for that and I want to focus on that. We’re compiling a list of munches in various places across the country, so people can access them more readily. People are clamoring to get together. It could be three people, it could be 60. but they want to get together and for many people it’s not just something you could go out and do in town.

Skye: What tips would you give someone who wanted to be a sex journalist?

JP: For sex journalist the first thing I’d say is be comfortable, because if you’re not comfortable whoever you’re talking to won’t be comfortable at all.

The other thing is to write fearlessly, and if it takes learning, learn. Learn about things; learn about what you want to write about. When you go in to talk to someone in a detailed sense of their sexuality but don’t have enough background, it’s going to go badly. Without knowing your stuff and having a good knowledge of your subject, your work won’t be strong in a journalistic sense.

Skye: A few weeks ago interviewed Kristen Mark, a Canadian sex researcher, who stated that she doesn’t think that our very sex obsessed society will be more open about discussing sex ‘until it becomes less taboo and it isn’t seen as being risqué’. Do you agree with her? And if so, what do you think it will take for us to become more comfortable with openly discussing sex?

JP: I entirely agree with her. Absolutely. And what it’s going to take is not taking the massive steps backwards like we did with the sex education reforms from last year. Cancelling those program reforms after the hue and cry was a terrible mistake. It was so progressive and so strong in the most important thing we can do: and that is talking to kids frankly, openly and without prejudice to kids. That’s where it’s going to start.

And as a parent with two daughters I know how hard that is. There are things I choose to address at times, and things I choose to address at other times. But my girls are nine and 12 now, and as things come up I’m just being more open.

Keeping things quiet and hidden away doesn’t and will never allow us to progress to a point where sex is just something people do. Some people play hockey, some people fuck. Some people like to get tied up, some people like really long walks on the beach. Whatever. It’s just an activity.  It’s got its biological purposes and it’s got its social purposes; and when we can get past the negative aspect and present sex in a positive light there’s hope.

Skye: You are one of four hosts of Sex City, a radio programme that is “dedicated to ongoing discussions of sexuality in relation to culture, art, politics, activism, health and sexual practice. Smart, engaging, smutty, and scintillating radio brought to you by a group of sexual educators, activists and culture makers” and airs from 5-6 every Saturday on CIUT – 89.5 FM. How did the show come about and what can a listener expect to hear about if they choose to tune in to CIUT (89.5 FM) on any given Saturday?

JP: The show started about 13 years ago and it was started to just explore sex on the radio. One of the original hosts, Louise Bak, is still with the show. I’ve been doing it for three and a half year.

I believe that we’re the only show like it in Toronto now, and you can hear anything. Literally anything. Between the four of us, we all kind of bring different types of topics to the show. Louise is very literary and features a lot of authors and artists discussing sex. Bryen does a lot of entertain type pieces with performers, musicians, and about plays and things like that. Rean has just come back to the show, at least temporarily. She does a lot of sexual health related things. And I’m kind of the all over the map type, in that I do a lot of personality based pieces with sex workers, performers, advocacy groups and porn.

Skye: I assume that you are a well connected to the sex positive community in Canada, so outside of yourself and the Sex Life Canada team, who do you think are the real movers and shakers in this country in terms of helping to grow a more sex positive culture?

JP: Samantha Fraser, who’s going to do some amazing things this fall with her Playground Conference, and she already does some great stuff. Also, the teams at Come As You Are, Good For Her and Lucky You! all continue to put out great things in their shops and with the events they do.

There’s also a centre in Montreal, that’s entirely volunteer run. It’s the Alternative Lifestyles Community Centre. They put on workshops every single week that are unbelievable. They are challenging all kinds of aspects of sex and sexuality. I would love to see something like that started here, in Toronto.

And I really like Canadian porn stars, how they really represent and work with companies. People like Ryan Russell, Eddie Stone and Camille Crimson.

They’re all the sex shops emerging in smaller places across Canada. Like Venus Envy in Halifax and Ottawa. There’s another in Saskatchewan called Positive Passions. Then in Edmonton there’s the Travelling Tickle Trunk. And a lot of what these people are doing is going into the community to educate people.

Also burlesque is great. It’s a gateway into positive sexual exploration, because it’s a really safe thing to go and see. It’s just a little risqué. A lot of the shows are coupled with sex shops for prizes, which gets people into sex shops, and hopefully gets them started on learning more.

Skye: I found the following quote listed as one of your favourites on your FB page: “Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, champagne in one hand – strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOOHOO – What a Ride!”  Would you say that you are currently on your own very wild sideways skid?

JP: Yes, absolutely I try to live life that way; in that I never want to take the safe route, or the route that isn’t going to be challenging. Life for me has always got to be fun. It’s always got to be interesting and different. I don’t think I’d like it any other way.