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That offer on the table, your post brought up some interesting points for me, D-Knicks.

First, I hope you don’t *always* feel “self-loathing” after you masturbate. I am sure we’ve all felt it at some point or after getting there with some thought but… I hope that’s not typical – or because you’re thinking about the ladies. It shouldn’t be either one. Self-love is the safest kind of sex there is, so enjoy it! And lady-sex is pretty awesome… boys masturbate to it all the time.

In addition… I’d really like some clarification – mainly about what you’re looking for and what you need from
your tryst…

My assumption is you want a buck fuddies relationship, or maybe just the occasionally one-nighter, with a lady friend (whether or not she was your friend prior to the encounter… ). That you are only interested in the ladies for the lovin’, for some experiementin’, and that, as far as relationships go, you’re the straight-and-narrow path. But you are talking about YOUR desires… all of this is just about YOU – nothing general in the statements…

Would that assumption be correct? I hope so… but it’s not entirely clear in the post…

See… my thoughts are this: First, I’m not sure how much you’re thinking about the emotions of the woman you’re fantasizing about. It sounds like you are emotionally unavailable to her – that’s part of the draw for you – but it’s not explicit that you want to avoid ALL emotional intimacy… Instead, it kind of sounds like the other woman’s emotions are… discardable (e.g. “disposable intimacy”).

Now, don’t get me wrong. Clearly I think non-emotional sex is great sometimes, and women (including the lezzies) can absolutely have it. But. Both partners need to be clear on it upfront – period. To expect a sexual partner to be emotionally into you, or to feel a “connection”, but to be explicitly unavailable to them is not, exactly, ok. Doesn’t matter what sex they are or what sex you are or what YOU are looking for.

Second, and more importantly, I kind of felt an undertone of being slightly flippant regarding lesbian relationships more generally. That commitment, intimacy, protection, and security aren’t a part of relationships between women – you need a man for that. That gay-lady-lovin’ is just about sex… real relationships are heterosexual.

Again, don’t get me wrong. I don’t *think* you meant that (…. did you?). I think, instead, that undertone stems from a culture that accepts gay-ladies as sexual playthings, but does not take lesbian relationships seriously.

Bottom line? I think we are ALL allowed to experiment. With whatever we want – as long as you’re safe and there is (here it comes) *enthusiastic consent* from all involved. And maybe I should add that you are clear and honest about what you want and what you can offer. It doesn’t have to make you gay or bi and it doesn’t have to be a kink that lasts forever (i.e. you CAN “iron it out”). I fully believe sexuality exists on a spectrum, and it is perfectly natural to be attracted to the same sex, but know you want a relationship with the opposite. I think that’s just peachy. I just find your post, Knickers, to be very intriguing, in terms of what I *think* are underlying cultural tones in what you’ve written about YOUR fantasies (i.e. I don’t think you want to be flippant with another woman’s emotions, or that lady-gays can’t have meaningful, secure, committed relationships).

Thoughts??
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