September 21, 2011

A Guest Post by SKINNY DIP

When I sat down to write this post I realized something…

Sex Ed didn’t really teach me much. To understand where I am coming from, here is the Coles notes version of my Sex Ed experiences:

Elementary School: In grade four, where we learned all the basics about where babies came from and puberty. This involved a lot of clinical diagrams and awkward, grainy, hopelessly un-cool videos from the late 70’s about “becoming a woman”. Every year from grades five to seven, the school nurse would come and give a similar talk and show the same videos just to make sure we were all on the same page.

Junior High: Sex Ed in Junior High happened this one day when the teacher lectured us on the basics, popped two back to back episodes of “Degrassi High” into the VHS and said “Watch this” before leaving the room. The end. Most of my Sex Ed knowledge at this age came from articles in Seventeen magazine, borrowed copies of Cosmo and excerpts from Judy Blume books.

High School: I don’t remember taking Sex Ed in High School either. The school I transferred to had its own daycare and a rampant drug problem. {Maybe the administration didn’t bother because they figured they had already missed the boat?} My drama teacher (yes, drama), probably sensing that we were not getting an adequate sex education, brought in an HIV/AIDS activist to speak to the class. The guy spoke to us about his struggles with the disease and then gave us – a room full of wide eyed drama nerds– the following (advice:

“Don’t do what I did kids. I spent my 20′s fucking my way through Europe”.

Insert awkward pause and looks of terror here.

Seriously though, looking back, what I learned in Sex Ed is full of holes (no pun intended). Although I knew the basic biological mechanics behind getting down, I was thoroughly unprepared for the real world. Here is a list of just a few of the things I wish I’d learned in Sex Ed:

1) How to put a condom on properly: The closest I came to learning proper condom use was watching that scene from the Degrassi High “School’s Out” movie where Lucy shows Caitlin how to use a condom by putting it on a banana. I’d heard that once you got to Junior High, this was the kind of thing you learned to do. However, IT NEVER HAPPENED. So when I started to have sex I was still confused about the process and was sleeping with guys who also seemed to have missed the memo (errr, episode of Degrassi). It was like the blind leading the blind.

2) It’s OK to have sex: Most of my Sex Ed classes went something like this:

While I appreciate that our teachers took the time to hammer into our heads that we need to protect ourselves from pregnancy, HIV and other STD’s, it definitely made things more confusing. I was constantly grappling with my feelings of extreme curiosity about sex and my intense fearof its consequences. The instant I became sexually active, I morphed into the world’s biggest hypochondriac. Even though I was being responsible and protecting myself, I convinced myself that my sexual exploits would eventually lead to me getting some kind of scary STD.

Apparently, this is actually a really common condition amongst people born between 1978-1980. We were learning about sex during the early years of the AIDS crisis – a time when there wasn’t a lot of accurate information about the disease. Because of this, we learned to subconsciously link sex with fear and paranoia. Combine all of that with growing up in a Catholic household and you’ve got one hot mess on your hands.

{I’m sure I would have felt slightly better about things had I not learned the majority of my safe sex info from Lucy, Caitlin and Spike}

Also, when I wasn’t morbidly obsessing over STDs, I spent my time beating myself up about the number of people I’d slept with. The amount of time and energy I spent making myself feel bad about myself was ridiculous. Thankfully, I no longer feel this way. However, I can’t help but think a lot of mental anguish would have been spared had someone just told us:

“It’s OK to have sex. If you are responsible you can have a fun, safe, healthy sex life. If you do this you’re not a slut.”

3) It’s OK to masturbate: I’ve noticed that there is a double standard when it comes to masturbation. It’s always seemed to me that its way more socially acceptable for men to touch themselves than it is for women. Take for example how masturbation is depicted in films. When men masturbate it’s always portrayed as being funny, like “HA HA! Boys will be boys” (think, American Pie). When women are shown pleasuring themselves, it’s more often than not shown as shameful and pathological (think, Single White Female and Mulholland Drive). I think many women have internalized this sense of shame about masturbation, which just isn’t right. Women should be encouraged to learn about their bodies and what feels good. It won’t turn you blind. I promise.

4) ALWAYS pee after sex: I learned this the hard way when I woke up one morning to the sensation of someone jabbing my insides with sushi knives. It was my first bladder infection – something I didn’t even realize could happen after sex and could have easily been prevented by peeing after doing the deed.

What do you wish you’d learned in Sex Ed?

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